THE WEST ‘ZING’

I need a legal-type pun for when one of the partners comes into my office and asks me if I’m able to take some of their work and I’m trying to rush out the door to get home in time to watch an episode of the West Wing. ~ Chris T, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Work overtime? What am I, an attorney, or a ‘never-to-home-returnee’?”

2) “…But my wife will sue me if I’m tardy — she can be quite late-igious.”

3) “Is this litigation, or late-again-tion?”

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TOILET CAPER

My friend refused to be seen in public while carrying a 24-pack of toilet
paper – she was too mortified. I need a pun to belittle her. ~ Phyllis D, Unionville, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “You’re just another em-bare-assed wiper!”

2) “You need to loo-sen up!”

3) “After all this time, you’d think not using a plastic bag to cover
your toilet paper would tissue a lesson!”

More esoteric:

4) “I bet you don’t subscribe to cable TV — you’re afraid of payper view!”

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