Calvin from Edmonton:
What do you call a Prime Minister who has become a ghost of his former influential self?
Pall Martin.

“A timely one for Canadians, perhaps.”

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CHORTLE PORTAL

Dear Pungents, I need a name for a university student portal.~Blue Vulcan, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT

1) A portal for for medical students: The portal vein

2) A portal for for dental students: An e-full port-dent (evil portent)

3) The uni bin (looney bin)

4) If the portal has a job section: Hire education

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Marty from Toronto:
What does a midget play golf with?
His Minnie Driver!

Marty says, “more for your ‘sporting midgets’ collection…”

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WIGGLE GIGGLES

Dear Pungents, I love this website 🙂 Okay Gents – I just started belly-dancing lessons and am loving the crazy wiggling! Give me a pun to sassily and savvily express my delight, and to entice others to take up dancing lessons with me! ~Kimmy, West Bay, Grand Cayman Island

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Belly dancing – it’s no waist of time!”

2) “It’s out of this whirled!”

3) “If you don’t join then you must be into belly duncing – ‘cuz you’re a dummy not to get down wit’ da tummy!”

4) “I promise the instructor will make you feel comfortable. It’s not bully dancing!”

5) “You have no excuse not to dance like Ali Baba – in fact I think it’s ‘alibi ‘bye‘!” (ok that is horrible)

6) “C’mon, all you lonely ladies – by gyrating, you’ll increase your guy rating!”

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STUCK IN THE FRIEND ZONE

Dear Pungents, what a good idea; originality these days is a rare commodity! I’d like a pun about my situation involving having feelings for a woman who’s seeing another man. It would help me cope with this impossible thing called being ‘friends’. ~Jason, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “I’m sick of being Platonic – I need some lay tonic!”

2) “She’s got the wrong man, and I’ve got the right hand!”

3) “My feelings for her are like a cancer in my heart. They should call them chemotions!”

4) “They should call me The Relationship Butcher: why did I have to beef-rend her?”

5) “I’m in love, but she must be in loaf, ’cause when I think of what went wrong I just say d’ough!”

6) (bilingual:) “I’m better off sleeping with all of Paris to forget, because when it comes to me and her it’s just ‘baise France’!”

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DON’T DUE ME LIKE THAT?

Dear Pungents, I need something to describe having 15 four-hour (or longer) projects to do and everyone wanting them done all on the same day. ~Mike, Georgetown, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Project-ire vomiting
2) Time consume-me-ing!
3) Dreadlines
4) The Demandibles of Death
5) The Grim Report

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