HOLY MATRI-GROANY?

Dear Pungents, I’m getting married in a few weeks and wanted some wedding-related puns I could include in a speech. A little about us: I’m a grad student, nearing completion of my Ph.D in chemistry; she’s a tobacco-farmer-turned-clinical-pharmacist, specializing in hemotology. Have at it! ~Tyler, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

(Adjust speech to conform to the facts… lots of bonus plays on words thrown in to boot!)

“We met when I was doing my Ph.D – right away, there was chemistry.

I knew her when she was a tobacco farmer. I thought she was just smokin’. We would stay up nights listening to that Def Leppard song – ‘Pour Some Cigar On Me’. She liked my hard wooden pipes, didn’t think I was drag. It was serendipitous – I met her just in the nic o tine! We’ve come a lung way since then. Now I’m addicted to her every breath.

She made a career change from farming, but not a big one – she was still in farm-acy. Now she specializes in hemotology; at the time I thought, wow that’s bloody incredible. Truly she is my prizecription! I feel so anemic compared to her; sometimes I wonder if she thinks I’m a dope, or a pill. Oh well, seeing how much we’ve spent on this wedding, at least she knows I’m not a pauper (popper)!” (take a bow)

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