May, 2005 - Pun Gents :: Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Business Slogans :: Team Names :: Punshine Girls and Boys!

BRO HA HA

01/25/201005/23/2005

Dear Pungents, my brother Alan who lives in England turned 50 on May 10. A memorable pun might take his mind off me being late sending his card! He is very quiet until he has a few brews; his local pub is the Packet, which my dad and grandad went to as well. He is a huge Manchester United fan – can’t go to the games anymore because if they lose it puts him in a very bad mood. He’s currently in Egypt on a trip of a lifetime for his 50th; I don’t know if he heard an American has bought into his beloved team while he is away – can’t imagine that’ll make him happy – as much as he isn’t happy about turning 50. So give me a pun that will make him happy. Thanks! ~Yvonne, Oshawa, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Good ol’ Alan – he’s the Man U can depend on!”

2) “First they lose #7, and now the whole team’s sold to the Yanks? What the Becks is going on! But don’t cry – there’s no need for soccer bawling!”

3) “As dad and grandad would say, age 50 is no time to Packet in!”

4) “We can’t make fun of you now that you’re 50 – you’re no longer in your for-tease!”

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/22/2005

Frank from Eldorado:
There is a rising new heart throb star crooner in Indonesia.
His name: Frank Sumatra.

Where do they confine offending neighbourhood gang members in Israel?
In Ehud Barak.

What is the natural phenomenon whereby bees transfer pollen from anthers to stigmas known in Tahiti, Tonga, Bora Bora and the Solomon Islands?
Polynesian.

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/21/2005

Andrew from Dugald:
In the world of the apiary, its the queen who wields all the power, her partner, virtually none. Fed up with the situation, one little guy named Ernie decided to crack the hive wide open in a tell-all book he titled: The Impotence of Bee-King Earnest.

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/20/2005

Frank from Eldorado:

says, “inspired by Calvin’s limerick about Allison“

There were two gents called Patty and Rhain
Blessed apundantly with witty brain
Destined to be the ones
To run website for puns
To publish our gems, bright or inane.

Also

What do you call a body builder who lives in one of Iraq’s holy cities?
A Mosulman.

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/20/2005

Ben from Toronto:

I am not watching the new Star Wars movie; there’s something about it that doesn’t sith well with me.

Ben says, “lame but walks ;-)”

Also

Why did the columnist fall for his assistant?
He had no choice, she was a fast type.

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/20/2005

Andrew from Dugald:
What made the Americans finally yank their troops out of Vietnam?
They just found the war was getting really Hanoi-ing.

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/19/2005

Marc from Toronto:
What do you call a circus equine that’s been excessively twirled upon?
A pummelled horse!

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/18/2005

Calvin from Edmonton:
A kinky young nurse with some body
Had very good cause to be haughty
To her masseuse she did yield
While she barely revealed
That she was exceptionally knotty

Calvin says, “I’ve been on a limerick kick lately. None had any puns though until this one inspired by Allison, your latest Punshine Girl. I reused her pun, added another, and threw in a couple of double meanings. So this is dedicated to her and to my wife who is also a nurse.”

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/18/2005

Brigg from East Greenbush, NY:
What did the zookeeper say when the large, slow-swimming, aquatic mammal named Hindenburg died?
“Oh, the huge manatee!”

Brigg says, “Hopefully the manatee didn’t explode.”

(Rate This Pun)

THE ST. CHRISTOPHER WALKENS?

01/25/201005/18/2005

Dear Pungents, I work for the President & CEO of a hospital and we are organizing a team for the hospital’s annual walk. The team consists of senior management (president, vps and chief of staff as well as their administrative assistants). Can you think of a name for us? Thanks. ~ Mary, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) The Walkie-Talkies – b/c you need to get your message out there.

2) The Charity Chairs (and one more makes it Three Chairs for all of you!)

3) The directors and administrators of the Charity Walk – ie the Hosp. Skips and Adjuncts (contrasting ‘walk’ with Hop Skip and a Jump … with ‘skip’ as in skippers or leaders)

(Rate This Pun)