Dear Pungents, some retirement puns please: my wife is retiring as a receptionist from Livingston International after 16 years there and I am retiring from University of Toronto Schools as a history teacher after 5 years. ~John, Mississauga, Ontario


For wife –

1) “I’m not going to throw you a party – I figured the last thing you’d want is a reception.” (POW)

2) “Sixteen long years, and now finally you get to let all your frustrations pour out. That’s what happens with secretories.

3) “You always said it was like being locked in cave, there, at Live-in-stone.”

4) “After 16 years answering phones at a logistics and transportation company, I’m glad you’re telling them to go truck themselves.”

For husband –

5) “Teaching at University of Toronto schools was frustrating… I sometimes felt like kicking someone in the ‘UTS.”

6) “The job at UTS conflicted with my liberal beliefs; I couldn’t knuckle under to my principal’s conservatism any longer. After five years as his Tory teacher I just had to leave.”

7) “Me and that job are ancient history!”

8) “Hey I’m finally retired. What a dream – somebody pension (pinch) me!”

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