I just got an insect sting up my anus. I think it was a bumholebee.
Why were hangings in the Old West very well attended by caterers?
Because, they said “I hear there’s gonna be a luncheon!”
Frank from Eldorado:
A horse whisperer whispers to horses. Does it follow, then, that a famous someone from Germany called Ratzinger “zings” to rats?
Ontario liquor-store employees are concerned about rumours the government is planning store closures and layoffs. Said a union spokesman: “We will not stand still! We will not whine and grumble, but gin up our efforts and strike if necessary!” Said a government representative: “They should remember that if they disrupt the supply of alcohol in the middle of a hot summer, instead of sympathy, they’ll get a lot of boos from the public.”
The physicists in the Manhattan Project developed a ‘stealth fart’ that made no sound. The world was devastated when the army first used this silent but deadly weapon aka the Atonic Bum.
Why could Frosty the Snowman see everything?
Because he had ice in the back of his head!
Andrew from Dugald:
Whenever relatives that I don’t really care for come over, I serve them kin-dread spirits in the hope they might leave.
My pet monkey is very shy. It came as no surprise, then, that my girlfriend got mad when I took macaque out on a busy street.
Dear Pungents, I know a ‘kitchen’ is where bad taste ends and good taste begins, but can we have some more puns about that arooma of my condoment? ~Paul, Bethesda, Maryland
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “Before eating your words, how should you cook them? With a my-crow-wave!”
2) (for linguists only) “How can you add a flavourful accent to your plates? Put them in the de-schwa-sher!”
3) “Speaking of which, is Justin Timberlake more qualified to be a dishwasher or a solo artist? Let’s just say he was better off In Sink!”
4) “Do rodentivores enjoy stoat-top stuffing? Yes – it can be prepared in a very weaselable amount of time.”
5) “At breakfast do cannibals like toes with jam?”
6) “Do jocks prefer drinking out of cups?” (POW)
7) “Were Hansel and Gretel initiated into the witches oven (coven)?”
8) “Boy these kitchen jokes are tasteless – someone must have put ’em in a blander.”
Dear Pungents, I need a headline/title for an article about public transportation (bus system) and how dirty and gross it is. Please ‘transfer’ me to the right person! ~Joshua, Ottawa, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) From public transit to ‘pube-lice’ transit
2) Fare is foul!
3) Metro-city atrocity: riding the vomit comet
4) Filthy, grimy transit = bad for bus-iness
William Shatner and Burt Reynolds are close friends. They’re like toupees in a pod.