Andrew from Dugald:
One of the hazards faced by Canadian ice wine workers is fatal hypothermia, commonly known as vinter kill.

Andrew says, “You can vine all you want, I decant stop punning.”

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Frank from Eldorado, ON:

From Frank’s New and Improved Dictionary:

ratchet: droppings by some obnoxious rodent.
boycott: military-style portable bed designed for young males.
slogan: something that did not help you to get very far in the Old West.

ALSO –

What do you call a very young shiitake mushroom?
Poopake mushroom.

Frank says, “I admit this last one is not only lame, it is stupid! My friend, Gus insisted I send it. It will be fun gus said.”

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Andrew from Dugald, MB:
Natural Resources officers in Manitoba can’t figure out why 2,000 pounds of wild game was dumped on the middle of the Trans-Canada Highway. Despite the weight, they figure it was done by only one person. It was clearly an A Ton o’ Moose Act.

Watching a line of geese cross the road, I was surprised to see the last one with an umbrella. Then I realized he must be the brolly gaggler.

It’s absolutely safe to put old lions together with sheep. When they loose their teeth, its a case of nothing dentured, nothing maimed.

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LEATHER, RINSE, REPEAT?

Dear Pungents, I need some cow puns to use at a dunk tank. ~Joe, Saginaw, Michigan

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Cows at a dunk tank? This is udder disaster! What’s the meating of this?”

2) “Knock him down! He’s bad to T-bone!”

3) “Will the cow fall into the tank? He’ll just have to brisket.”

4) “Always dunk your milk.

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HA-HAS-TRALIA!

Dear Pungents, something Australian – kangaroos or some shit like that. Fair dinkum. ~Dukey, Melbourne, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Wallaby damned, you’ll roo the day you requested such stereotypical puns! Ya’oo can’t be Serious!”

2) “Which continent is home to stalkers? Us trail ya!”

3) “Is it true Aussie men shoot fireworks out their penises? Yes, flare-dink ’em!”

4) “Which supermodel is the child of Satan? Hell MuckFireSon!”

5) “‘Too many cooks spoil the broth?’ That’s especially true with mar-soup-ials.”

6) “I knock back the Aussie beers pretty quick, but the locals can drink even Foster.”

7) “There was one spot off the coast where actress Drew was known for smoking up. They call it the Great Barrymore Reefer.”

8) “They fart so much on one Australian Island – it’s known as Gasmania!”

9) “Don’t like these puns? ‘Din go to hell!”

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SORRY, BRONCH NUMBER?

Dear Pungents, a pun for a work bulletin board (heathcare) about lungs or July 4th, fireworks. ~Brenda, Somewhere, USA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: (since July 4th has passed we’ll just stick with the lungs)

1) “You’ve come a lung way, baby.”

2) “Hear about the lung-specialists convention in New York? Naturally, it was held in the Bronx (bronchs).”

3) “Do railroad workers have trouble with their Pullmanary arteries?”

4) “Why should pneumonia sufferers avoid Belgium? Because – they’re phlegmish!”

5) “Did you hear Prince Charles had a blockage in his windpipe? The news headline read: “Air to the British Throat!

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Frank from Eldorado, ON:

From Frank’s New and Improved Dictionary:

abalone: description of a statement which is judged to be untrue.
lagoon: hockey player of French extraction, with propensity for obnoxious behaviour.
nuance: opposite of “old ones”.
spokesman: person who repairs bicycle wheels.

fox in the henhouse: poultry in commotion.

Which reminds me. We know that Lindsay is quite a chick, alas, she is the low hen
in the Hollywood pecking order.

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