Frank from Eldorado:
Once I had a terrible weight problem, which was exesherbeted by my love
for ice cream. Then I lost a lot of weight, and my pants fell down. Needless to
say, I was very embareassed.

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Dear Pungents, I need a pun that basically says, “Dont drink dirty water, because you might get cholera!” ~Mark, Ottawa, Ontario


1) “This is one choler you don’t want hear from.”

2) “Waterborne diseases – they grab you by the choler.”

3) “What’s worse than back pain? Bacteria pain!”

4) (more literary) “Did Choleridge keep a diarrhea?”
5) “Even Anne Frank didn’t make that many diarrhea entries.”

6) “E.Coli – it ain’t no eco-lie: the dirty truth about cholera.”

7) “Stop! Water you doing? Think before you drink.”

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Andrew from Dugald, MB:
When a group of witches get together to make Italian pie, is it called a pizza coven?

The Italian fisherman caught a great big eel which he promptly fell in love with. His brother just shook his head, sighed and said, “That’s a moray!”

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Frank from Eldorado:

From Frank’s New and Improved Dictionary:

propane: interrogator who is partial to using physical torture to get results
canopy: vessel containing urine
carbine: act of purchasing an automobile south of the Mason -Dixon Line

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Dear Pungents, I need something for a get well card that I’m writing on a hockey puck. I already have a puck that says “Merry puckin Christmas” and “Happy puckin birthday”; now I need one for “get well”… all I came up with was “slap-shot yourself better real soon.” Not too funny. ~Michele, Chicago, Illinois


1) “I heard you’ve been a bit down on your puck – but at least you get to play hockey from work (or school).”

2) “Good health should be your number one goalie.”

3) “I’m glad your illness is in de crease.”

4) “Pucker up! Get better so I can kiss you.”

5) “I hope your disease won’t leave any puck marks.”

6) “‘Shot’ happens… get well soon.”


7) “I’ve been worrying my faceoff.”

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(this is a real request, no joke!)

Dear Pungents, I’m a huge fan of your site. I want to spread the word about who you are and what you do, but I’m unsure how to describe it in kind. Help me to think of some witty puns about yourselves? Thanks a bunch. ~Naomi, Toronto


“Online punographers, pun-dits and pun krockers – The Pun Gents are local boys who’re fearless about getting feet dirty and plundering the language. That’s because we’re proud Tar-on-toenians. We were both born in 1978, on the 4th of July – aka Indie Pun Gents Day – and we fiercely protect our IndiePunGence.

Since our inauspicious beginnings in December 2004 we’ve been featured in: the National Post, Maisonneuve magazine and other print publications; were interviewed for a radio feature, and appeared several times on City-TV. In less than a year we’ve gone from mediocrity to media-jocularity! has some unique features. Puns on Demand is the internet’s only custom joke and slogan service. And our Punshine Girls and Boys are so renowned for their sexy wordplay, quick tongues and hot dictionary skills that our site is in danger of getting a triple-‘lex’ rating!

And live performances! Pat recently won the bronze medal at the O. Henry Pun-off in Austin, Texas, the most famous (pun-related) joke contest in the world. The first ever Canadian puntestant, Pat wowed the pun-off crowd with his ‘cannibal’ puns; he took them in gest, and they ate him up, with relish – that’s no can o’ bull. The Gents hope to inaugurate a similar pun contest in Toronto, the Ron Maclean All-CanEHdian punoff in honour of Hockey Night in Canada’s celebrated punster. We’ve been dogging Ron for his attention, because we’re just rabid about this frothcoming event. So c’mon Ron, how bout a little tete-a-tetanus!

Sadly, laugh remains difficult. While we have gained a small bit of notoriety for ourselves, the majority of punsters around the world still suffer abuse at the hands of the groaneral population. The Gents will soon chronicle their trials and tribulations in a har-hitting krockumentary, ‘Malice in Punderland(ask us for a treatment). It will be a pun-ishing dreck-spose.

Also, we started up our own fashion subsidiary, Pun Gents Apparel. It’s surprising that either one of us would ever become fashion designers, but sometimes, shirt just happens. So click the link and buy one please; they come with a worn-tee.

Anyway that’s about it… As soon as we mention ‘Pun Gents Apparel’, we know it’s time to end the request.

Why’s that?

Because, yuk yuk, it’s our clothing line. (yikes)

The Gents

ps Thanks for your interest in our site; it’s been ass lice!”

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Frank from Eldorado:
Says, “Some people insist that the coming of the Messiah is imminent. As a Catholic (in my case it is short for “catty alcoholic“), let me say how I would visualize this momentous event:”

Jesus will return as amen. He will get a job, probably as a manger of some company where He will strive to generate lots of prophet. He will drive to work every day in His Chrystler. For some of His meals He will saviour the flavour of Jerusalem artichokes, and will wash the meal down with spirits. His favourite sport will be lacrosse.


Where did the Ukrainian chef learn his trade?
In perogial school. Serving great meals was his contribution to whorled peas.

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