Andrew from Dugald:
Why do Jewish mothers drive their sons crazy? They never yield the right oy vey.

The Scots keep Nessie’s whereabouts close to their chests, but really, if you look under the water beneath the docks, you might find her. That’s right, the secret is kept under Loch and Quay.

Andrew says, “Acccccchhh! Happy Hogmanay!”

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ED: Do you like this abstract painting?
NED: No. Modern art makes me want to regurgiTate.
ED: Really?
NED: Yeah, it Turners my stomach.
ED: Oh my.
NED: If you’ll excuse me – now I have to get up Van Gogh to the bathroom!

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Let me tell you about the reek I’ve had: First off, I work at the ol’ factory. But a few days ago I ran into some cash problems, so I asked my boss for a smell favour. What was I stinking! Now I have to avoid her, cuz she nose I odour money. Hmm, maybe if I stop wearing deodorant to work, they’ll give me a high-ranking job?

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