Andrew from Dugald:
Gina Davis and William Hurt star in the story of two people travelling in China and constantly swearing at each other and making random noises. It’s this spring’s must see movie: “The Occidental Tourettes“.

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OPERA HA

Dear Pungents, I need a punny headline for my article about our volunteers at the Canadian Opera Company. It’s an article that talks about how great our volunteers are and encourages others to get involved. Got any suggestions? ~Mariza, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Their hard work brings volunteers to our eyes.”

2) “Volunteering at the COC – can you Handel it?”

3) “Our volunteers really run the show; it’s the tail Wagnering the dog.”

4) Quote from a volunteer: “I love showing people to their seats… ‘Aisle B, Back’ next season for sure.”

5) “Our volunteers orchestrate the production.” (play on words)

6) “Join our Wolf gang!”

7) “Our volunteers are some pretty phat ladies.”

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Gary from Austin, TX:
“Circular Reasoning”

Cartoons of Muhammad, head Muslim
Sparked rage from Denmark to Jerusalem
“You can’t depict prophet
We will not hear of it”
These images must just bamboozle’em

If prophet Muhammad’s iconic
You can’t call cartoonists demonic
Who violate dictum
That says, “Don’t depict ‘im”
This really is just too ironic

Since it is forbidden to show him
How can those offended then know him?
Just some dude with beard
In turban appeared
In need of a shave and a comb

One single conclusion remains
These hot heads must get through their brains
The guy that they see
Muhammad, can’t be
There’s really no need to diss Danes

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The pirate captain was on the prow-l, looking stern. His mates all bowed to him. “This is mission of great in-port.” He looked at his cannons, then gazed at the sky and said “Bless me Fodder.” His sailors warshipped him. What a bunch of frigate idiots.

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JAVA GOOD TIME?

Dear Pungents, Can you come up with a pun for the host of a computers & technology awards ceremony? Thanks! ~Adam, Orlando, FL

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Don’t give anyone here a sandwich. They’ll take a thousand megabites.”

2) “I thought I’d Cobol together a few jokes. But they were too Basic. So I’ll be Turing over a new leaf. Let’s C, plus plus…

3) “I was late getting here. I was locked up in my Fortran.”

4) “Java good time so far?”

5) “Welcome to my humble Adobe (pronounced A-dowb).”

6) “It was a hard drive coming to this ceremony!”

7) “My friend dug his finger in his nose with gusto, and was so happy when he found something. I guess you could say he was picks-elated?” (ok a bit too much)

8) “I decided to get a sharper monitor. It’s my New Year’s resolution.”

9) “Computers make my mother bored.”

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WIENER SNICKER or HA-HA-HAGGIS

Dear Pungents, I would like a few puns to say at a wedding for two friends: Timm, an Austrian and Eileen a Scot. ~Ron, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Timm looks like the clear Vienner in this wedding.”

2) “Timm said ‘Don’t be sheepish, you can lean on me.’
She said, ‘That’s right, Eileen on ewe.'”

3) “When they first met, Timm said ‘Can I sit beside you?’
She said in her accent ‘Aye, lean!'”

4) If she turns out to be a cannibal, their love will not German-ate.

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