My cat is so happy that I invested in stocks on his behalf. And believe me, the feline is mutual!
Month: August 2006
Imams don’t like it when people lose a lot of weight. I knew one who even issued fatwas.
When the cows jumped over the moon, it was steer and udder luna-see.
LIBRAIRHEAD
Dear Pungents, a woman I work with does not pronounce the word ‘library’ properly. She says “lie-berry” as in, “If I do an interlieberry loan can I take the book out of the building?”. She’s in her late 20s, not kindergarten. It’s starting to freak me out. I’d like to correct her without sounding like little-miss-micro-manager-pants. ~Ainsley, Ottawa, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “I have to be honest with people when they make mistakes. I don’t lie berry well.”
2) “You know which country is most mispronounced? Liberia.”
3) “You know what my favourite fruit is? Strawbraries. I also like bluebraries.” [repeat for as many berries as there are]
FEET ME A LINE
Dear Pungents, I am a podiatrist, I work with feet. I know the obvious ones, but if I have to put up with smelly feet, I’d like to inflict puns as revenge. Please help! ~Ali, Sydney, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “Man you got some stinky feet. What do I look like – a poodiatrist?”
2) “Take care of your feet. Don’t make me say I toe’d you so!”
3) “What’s stinkier than an union bun? A bunion pun.”
4) “I met a cute chick who had a nasty infection. I didn’t care though, she’s a fun gal.”
5) “Podiatry is ironic. Cuticles, for example, are ugly.”
6) “A toes, to podiatry! It puts foot on my table.”
If you’re Hindu you should never let your mom drive. It’s bad karma.
When someone farts he becomes the scenter of attention.
The pope just turned 90. So the Vatican had a big celibation.
“Uncle Steve” from New York, NY:
Why should you never terminate a prostitute’s employment? She might demand a severance package!
If you let your testicles get too cold, you may suffer from hypospermia.