Hideous mutants rarely eat together. There is no such thing as a freak lunch.
Month: September 2006
SHAKING THE BEAUTY
Dear Pungents, a pun about something that will improve and revive skin elasticity, restore collagen effectively, maintain beautiful youthful and supple skin, prevent aging. ~Chen, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “What the elderly lack in beauty, they make up for in intelligence. Each old person is aging-ius (a genius).”
2) “Youthfulness isn’t simply genetic – agene can’t prevent aging.”
3) “Kinky? Skin’s key.”
4) “Skin conditioners don’t work well. There’s always a wrinkle or two.”
5) “Those who go to beauty collagen don’t just pay lips service.”
6) “Jesus gave away all His revitalizing skin creams – at the Last Supple.”
YOU GOTTA BELEAHVE
Dear Pungents, a pun on ‘Leah’. ~Heather, Valdosta
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Leahve me alone
2) One Life to Leahve.
3) Leahway
4) Princess Leah
5) PLeah bargaining
6) Leahther pants
POCKET TO YA, FOOLS!
Dear Pungents, I want to make fun of my friend’s moniker. A pun on ‘fool’ and ‘pocket’ please. Thanks! ~Ryan, Bristol, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “Is your pocket fool or are you just happy to see me?”
2) “Man, I suck at pool. Focket!”
3) When Mr. T lost weight he could finally get into his hot tub. He said “I fitty the pool!”
4) (in a parking lot) “If all the spots are fool, then take your car and pocket over there.”
Ketchup sales are lagging far behind, after it was found that musturd is also a laxative.
Charles Dickens was quite moved after witnessing the foul, unhygienic conditions of the English workers. One time he saw a man spitting phlegm down a sewer, and was so disgusted that he wrote a novel about it: Grate Expectorations.
ANOTHER STAB
Dear Pungents, I need one of your finest puns, regarding a “Sword” and a “God” in the same pun preferably. Thanks a lot fellas, keep up that good shit! Stay blessed. ~Marsellus, Manchester, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Listen to the Sword of God.
2) Excalibur is quite ornately decorated. It is a sword with divine properties – and so by rights it should be Goddy.
3) I was struck down by God’s sword, in one foil swoop. I was scimitarred and feathered. I was blade to rest.
4) Without his divine blade at his side, the chief Greek deity was absolutely Zeusless.
5) I was wounded by the Norse God’s battleaxe, and I’m still feeling Thor.
MOVE GROOVE
Dear Pungents, our friend Steve is moving from Nashville to Fort Myers, Florida. He loves BBQ, coffee & bad puns, and is an inspector for homeland security. ~Alex, Nashville, TN
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “Steve, everyone admyers you for moving out of town.”
2) “You won’t ever see another tennis match, now that you’re leaving Tennis-see! And the barbecues in Fort Myers certainly won’t be as good as in Noshville!”
3) “Steve’s love of caffeine sometimes gets in the way of catching terrorists. For example, he was a bit confused when he thought the Lybian dictator was Moammar Good-Coffee (Khadaffi, get it? …yikes)!”
VITAMIN VERBIAGE
Dear Pungents, I need a pun for a charity leaflet to help under-nourished children in Malaysia. Something to do with vitamin C, chewable tablets, protein/carbohydrate deprivation, food scarcity and such. Thanks. ~Chen, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Make a donation and you’ll C the difference.
2) When we C malnourished children on the street, we invitamin for food!
3) The food shortages in Kuala Lampur are distressing. It’s scare city!
4) Vitamin tablets. Chews life.
5) Let’s take the ‘malady’ out of Malaysia.
Those who make fun of Italian stereotypes, ironically enjoy drinking gourmet Italian coffee – particularly ‘mockaginos’.