THE AUTHORROR!

Dear Pungents, I need puns on English and American writers. ~Anna, Gomel, Belarus

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Hemingway was quite overweight in his later years, when he wrote For Whom Belt Holes.”
2) “Joseph Conrad wrote about an evil wind that blinds men’s eyes. It was called Fart of Darkness.
3) “Who was hung like a horse? ‘S’a mule johnson.”
4) “Which playwright was always agitating his friends? Shakespeer.”
5) “Hear that Dickens wrote a sequel to Melville’s Moby Dick? He called it A Whale of Two Titties.
6) “Jane Austen’s epic about frugality? Cents and Sensibility.”
7) “Kurt Vonnegut Jr. is a master of dark comedy. He put the laughter in Slaughterhouse 5.”

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Andrew from Dugald:
If you give your gal candy that smells, and she says, “This stinks!”, naturally you respond, “My scent-a-mints exactly!”

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A NEW ZEAL AND ZEST!

Dear Pungents, I’m in New Zealand and hungry for, nay demanding, puns associated with my temporary home. ~Peter, Wellington, NZ

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Want to know about New Zealand? Look it up on Kiwipedia!”
2) “I bought a kiwi at a silent auckland.”
3) “If I move to Wellington, I’m going to run for Maori.”
4) “Didn’t the Beatles write a song about the Isle of Taxman?”
5) “Will New Zealanders ever get over their constitutional confusion? Let’s Wait an gi.”
6) “Punsters love New Zealand. Didn’t Peter Jackson film Lord of the Zings there? (The shoot was well orcanized, and the films quite ent-ertaining.)”
7) “The way they treated the aboriginals is absolutely appolynesian.”

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