Pat’s 2007 Pun Off Punniest of Show Routine :: Puns about Puns

Pat’s 2007 Pun Off Punniest of Show Routine :: Puns about Puns

Read Pat’s first-person reportage from the 2007 Pun Off in Austin, Texas (National Post)


Most puns are just pointless yawn sequiturs. For example: tree puns are not very poplar. Gambling puns are real eye-rollers. Puns about radio frequencies should be band. Video games? No pun nintendo’d! Food puns are hard to take in ingest, and liver puns taste awful — who cares if they’re full of irony! Chicken puns are fowl, obviously, and puns about dismembered cows are absolutely a tear a bull. Islam puns are so offensive, they give me koranaries. So no mo’hammeding it up. And midget puns? Simply the lowest form of humour. The joke’s on me though: as a punster who is also Roman Catholic, I’m pretty much guaranteed never to have sects!

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Andrew from Dugald:

Part of a deer hunter’s technique is to always hunt in groups of three – that way you can tri-ungulate the target!

How does the hunter know when he’s in deer habitat? Well, if the ground is up and down, the ungulating terrain is a sure sign.

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MOLLUSKED IN YONKERS?

Dear Pungents, My wife is a professional ballerina who is retiring after 16 years. A solo has been created for her incorporating a theme of seashells. I’m proud of my own punmanship, and I don’t want to mussel in on your territory, but I figured I’d call out the heavy artillery for this one. There’s a big retirement party for her, and I want as many “shell” references (without straying too far into the overall “ocean” or “fish” themes). I’ve got the obvious: Lawrence Whelk, shellfish/selfish, but I’ll take any assistance you guys can come up with! With friends like you guys, who needs anemones? ~Lorne, Winnipeg, MB

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Meet George Jetsam.
2) Sea shells Sanctuary (the Cult song, hello??)
3) She’s Prawn Quixote and I’m her Concho Panza.
4) Oh, the clamity!
5) I hope the critics won’t chiton her routine.
6) If Pat Sajak were here he’d ask ‘Would you like to bi a valve?’
7) We thought about calling it ‘Return to Sander‘.
8) This place has pretty good fossilities.
9) I’m lucky to have my wife. I’m glad she was the marine type.

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