Month: October 2009

DUCK A L’OREGON

Dear Pun Gents, a pun on the Oregon Ducks vs. USC Trojans (they are playing on Hallowe’en). ~C, Eugene, OR

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. The Ducks will exterminate the Trojans through a program of Eugenics.
  2. Since it’s Hallowe’en they will be dressed as the Trojan Whores.
  3. Using a Trojan is the best defence?
  4. Ducks playing football? Is this a double bill?
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Andrew from Dugald:

I kinda thought I could maybe put together the lårsbünt bookcase from IKEA, but I found out that I lacked the shelf confidence to do so.

Mike was installing venetian blinds with his brother and their respective spouses one day. The guys went for lunch and came back to find the ladies hopelessly entangled in the window treatments at the top of the frames. Phoning 911, they kind of laughed Mike off until he was forced to exclaim, “Don’t you realize that our wives hang in the valance!?”

I was exploring an old abandoned ice cream plant, when I was caught by the security guard they had on site. “Can’t you read the no trespassing signs?” he asked. “Don’t you know you can get hurt wandering around a dairy licked building?”

In all of history, its been found that the Protestants always beat the Catholics whenever their battles occurred at sea. The Protestants always had their fleet in motion which made them hard to pin down. Perhaps it had something to do with them not believing in idle warships.

When the OctoMom found out how many babies she was having, did she go into ovaload?

Why do window washers never work naked?
They use “streak free” glass cleaner.

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Andrew from Dugald:

I kinda thought I could maybe put together the lårsbünt bookcase from IKEA, but I found out that I lacked the shelf confidence to do so.

Mike was installing venetian blinds with his brother and their respective spouses one day. The guys went for lunch and came back to find the ladies hopelessly entangled in the window treatments at the top of the frames. Phoning 911, they kind of laughed Mike off until he was forced to exclaim, “Don’t you realize that our wives hang in the valance!?”

I was exploring an old abandoned ice cream plant, when I was caught by the security guard they had on site. “Can’t you read the no trespassing signs?” he asked. “Don’t you know you can get hurt wandering around a dairy licked building?”

In all of history, its been found that the Protestants always beat the Catholics whenever their battles occurred at sea. The Protestants always had their fleet in motion which made them hard to pin down. Perhaps it had something to do with them not believing in idle warships.

When the OctoMom found out how many babies she was having, did she go into ovaload?

Why do window washers never work naked?
They use “streak free” glass cleaner.

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THE DEARLY DEPARTMENT

Dear Pun Gents, I'm looking for team names for members of our operations department, which consists of custodians, maintenance, and technology. ~Lisa, St. Louis, MO

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Special Mops Team
  2. Caretaking of Business
  3. The Wringers
  4. Closet-Maintenance Workers
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GOOD VIBRATIONS

Dear Pun Gents, our department is looking for ultrasound puns, preferably around five or so. Thanks! ~Bella, New York City

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Ultrasound? Ow, my ear hertz!
  2. Ultrasounds can be used to detect gravidy.
  3. John Lennon was an ultrasound technician. You know, "Imaging all the People."
  4. Ultrasound machines are unreliable. They break down with high frequency.
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YOU CAN’T SPLIT THIS COUPLE

Dear Pun Gents, puns for a bachelorette party at a bowling alley. ~Michelle, Chicago

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Let's get lane tonight.
  2. Your balls will not be spared.
  3. Fingering Balls
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A LOT RIDES WITH YOU

Dear Pun Gents, I need some puns that combine driving and cycling. They need to promote cycling. ~London, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Get out of your car. You're never two tired to ride.
  2. Bikers aren't crazy. They're just cyclopathic.
  3. Don't Door-a- the explorer. Watch for cyclists.
  4. Don't piss off a cyclist. They get cranky.
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PLANET OF THE APS

Dear Pun Gents, a pun for a government AP class sweatshirt. ~Jhudora, Redwood City, CA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. What's AP?
  2. AP go lucky
  3. When you work in the government, you get to take an AP all day.
  4. Class AP all the way
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MAKE YOURSELF YOUTHFUL

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun related to youth, performing arts, music, science or something relevant for a youth showcase exhibit. ~Nhi, Sydney, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Youthed Goods
  2. Pro-Teen Power
  3. Kidzhibit
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DO THESE SHORTS MAKES MY BATON LOOK GOOD?

Dear Pun Gents, We need a team name for a dozen women running a relay race:  a 'Saints' race in June and a 'Sinners' race in October. ~Wendy, Pleasant Grove, UT

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Chicks with Styx
  2. The Lois Lanes
  3. Batoning the Hatches
  4. Apostles of Hustle
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