I went to a comedy show on Hallowe'en. It was a real boohaha!

NED: I think all radios are sexist.
ED: Why's that?
NED: Because, I AM/FM-inist!

They certainly enjoy their pig rodeos, in Buckingham Palace.

Brothel workers in Warsaw use a lot of nail polish. It decorates their bawdies.

Which appliances attract graffiti?

Maytag.

Advice to pants-wearing men: don't get caught in the penis fly-trap.

NED: Can I borrow your zombie?
ED: Of course.
NED: Thanks. I'm forever in your dead!

For those who criticize socialized medicine: ICU in Hell.

Salvador painted a psychedelic image of an alpaca, decked out in religious garb. He proclaimed, 'Everyone must worship the Dali llama!'

Do prostitutes look forward to their holiday bonus?

How much mass does it take to smother an elderly woman?

Just one kilogram. But the guilt weighs heavily.

Companies know the cost of hiring brain-dead employees: it can be ex-pensive.

Ancient goat-plays were satyrical. They were univerally Panned.

The French don't like eating raw fish - they're afraid of food poissoning.

Where do asstronomers look for black holes?

The dark side of the moon.

The pope pronounced his thoughts on the yo-yo dieting epidemic during the Fat-Again Council.

Those who wear earmuffs aren't afraid of lobal warming.

NED: Why are the inheritors of writing instrument empire fortunes always from the middle east?
ED: Because they're heir 'o Bic.

The talking cockatiel was an expert at parotty.

The vote for electoral reform came up MMP.

The embattled Russian emperor was thrown into a ditch. Upon being pulled out, he remarked, "I am not a fan of Czar chasm."

NED: Does Ontario have electile dysfunction?
ED: If they do, it's because political support is softening.

Some midgets are optimists. That's why they study mightgrow-economics.

Ancient Egyptian mummifiers practised poor hygiene. Unfortunately they didn't have time to clean out the mummies' bowels, before the bodies were in turd.

I don't trust doctors. They're hippocrates!

Fathers who scream at their kids are increasing in popululation.

Laugh if you must, but people who can achieve orgasm solely by fantasizing about cows deserve a moo to cum of respect.

Serial divorcee Larry King's philandering lifestyle has finally been ex-spoused.

I'm being set up with this girl who really loves the metric system. I can't wait to metre!

Superheroes are known for their outstanding cape abilities.