Pun Gents :: Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day

2005-03-31T16:43:00.000-05:00

Why did Einstein never stop at a single beer?

Because he was obsessed with re-ale-itivity!

2005-03-30T16:49:00.000-05:00

Which species of fish are the most democratic?

Those who vote in eelections.

2005-03-29T10:22:00.000-05:00

Hear about the play they staged at a cemetery?

It got grave reviews.

2005-03-28T23:52:00.000-05:00

How did the genie mock the overworked busboy?

He said, "I'll grant you three dishes."

2005-03-27T14:10:00.000-05:00

The pair of adventurers decided against camping on top of Mt. Everest, because it was just two in tents!

2005-03-26T21:39:00.000-05:00

If all the world's bivalves became extinct, it would be a clamity.

2005-03-25T15:50:00.000-05:00

Why did the Italian dictator attack his son's babysitter and take her wallet?

Because he wanted to be seen behaving mug-nanny-Mussolini! (magnanimously - needs to be read aloud)

2005-03-24T23:17:00.000-05:00

After a rash of overflowing-urinal incidents, the toilet manufacturer's stock began to plumb it.

2005-03-23T22:05:00.000-05:00

Which lizards eat bird poop?

Iguanos!

2005-03-22T23:41:00.000-05:00

Those with anal fissures tend to be from Krakow.

2005-03-21T22:19:00.000-05:00

What did Fog say to Mrs. Fog?

"I've mist you!"

2005-03-20T18:49:00.000-05:00

The Pun Gents don't mind if you criticize their jokes, but they won't tolerate ad homonym attacks.

2005-03-19T23:00:00.000-05:00

What's a cannibal's favourite dessert?

J-lo.

2005-03-18T12:24:00.000-05:00

What did Archimedes' wife say to him before he took his bath?

"You reeka!"

2005-03-17T22:44:00.000-05:00

The theatre actor with the seeing-eye dog was criticized for his led-in performance.

2005-03-16T00:08:00.000-05:00

The Simpson boy was shot to death in a Springfield tavern. All evidence pointed toward Moe, the Bart-ender.

2005-03-15T21:40:00.000-05:00

The theatre director used the solidified carbon dioxide to cathartic effect. "By the end of the performance," he predicted, "there will be no dry ice in the house!"

2005-03-14T22:15:00.000-05:00

How did the arsonist afford his plane ticket?

He redeemed his frequent fire points!

2005-03-13T01:05:00.000-05:00

Hear about the new levy on pushpins?

It's a tacks grab!

2005-03-12T22:20:00.000-05:00

Does a florist who goes bankrupt get a vasectomy?

2005-03-11T22:43:00.000-05:00

Why do people who have bad reactions to milk not put up with amputees?

Because they are lack-toes intolerant!

2005-03-10T23:01:00.000-05:00

Why did the millionaire skip his usual joyride on his quadramaran?

Because he had a strong sense of four-boating!

2005-03-09T16:52:00.000-05:00

Umpires eject anyone who gives heroin to an itchy bloodsucker - because it's flea spikes and yer out!

2005-03-08T19:50:00.000-05:00

How does arsenic justify itself in New York?

"Hey - I'm not such a bad poison."

2005-03-07T11:35:00.000-05:00

Why do children love hotel rooms?

Because they have a fondness for suites!