Dear Pungents, I love this website :) Okay Gents - I just started belly-dancing lessons and am loving the crazy wiggling! Give me a pun to sassily and savvily express my delight, and to entice others to take up dancing lessons with me! ~Kimmy, West Bay, Grand Cayman Island

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Belly dancing - it's no waist of time!"

2) "It's out of this whirled!"

3) "If you don't join then you must be into belly duncing - 'cuz you're a dummy not to get down wit' da tummy!"

4) "I promise the instructor will make you feel comfortable. It's not bully dancing!"

5) "You have no excuse not to dance like Ali Baba - in fact I think it's 'alibi 'bye'!" (ok that is horrible)

6) "C'mon, all you lonely ladies - by gyrating, you'll increase your guy rating!"

Dear Pungents, what a good idea; originality these days is a rare commodity! I'd like a pun about my situation involving having feelings for a woman who's seeing another man. It would help me cope with this impossible thing called being 'friends'. ~Jason, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "I'm sick of being Platonic - I need some lay tonic!"

2) "She's got the wrong man, and I've got the right hand!"

3) "My feelings for her are like a cancer in my heart. They should call them chemotions!"

4) "They should call me The Relationship Butcher: why did I have to beef-rend her?"

5) "I'm in love, but she must be in loaf, 'cause when I think of what went wrong I just say d'ough!"

6) (bilingual:) "I'm better off sleeping with all of Paris to forget, because when it comes to me and her it's just 'baise France'!"

Dear Pungents, I need something to describe having 15 four-hour (or longer) projects to do and everyone wanting them done all on the same day. ~Mike, Georgetown, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Project-ire vomiting
2) Time consume-me-ing!
3) Dreadlines
4) The Demandibles of Death
5) The Grim Report

Dear Pungents, I'm on a new dragon boat team representing The Duke of Edinburgh's Award Holders Association. Check www.dukeofed.org to see what the Award is about. We're looking for slogans for our team t-shirts to be worn in the Toronto Dragon Boat Festival. Thanks! ~Phil, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Dragon boating: Having a hull of a time."

2) "The Ducks of Edinburgh - we paddle like quackheads."

3) "From dragon to braggin': Duke of Ed = first place."

4) "The Duke's Ducks - looking for a stroke of luck!"

5) "We have the Duke of Edinburgh - you other guys just have head-in-burrow."

6) "Duke's Dragons: Youth breathing fire down to the wire (not a pun).

7) "We're on steer-oids!"

8) "Get your mind out of the rudder - full steam ahead."

Dear Pungents, alright, I actually paid your asses! Grad students unite! Now, I'm doing a thesis using qualitative methods; specifically in-depth, semi-structured interviews. Could you give me a few puns on this motif. ~Dre, Oshawa, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Before research techniques were codified, all social science papers were reliable as crap. They should have called them graduate feces."

2) "My interview data may raise a small storm of controversy. That's what happens with squallitative methods."

3) "Did the study on racial epithets make use of in-depth slurveys?"

4) "I took some hardcore drugs to clarify my thinking about research protocols. I'm a big fan of the crystal meth-od."

5) "My conclusions just won't stick. I need some ad-thesive!"

Dear Pungents, a pun please for an anaesthetist who came to Toronto from PEI to visit his daughter. And/or a pun about medicine, the aforementioned doctor, Summerside, PEI and a new hospital. Doctors love punning in the O.R. and I want my dad to have the punning edge! ~Marie, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Anaesthetists have a lot of options. With them it's ether/or."
OR
2) "My anaesthetist father never lets me have my way. He always puts me under the neither!"

3) "Anaesthetists are obsessed with their patients' hair - they're always keeping track of Vidal signs."

4) "Did you hear about the posh anaethetist? He went to an IV League school!"

5) "When I moved to Toronto my dad got so upset he stopped believing in God. I guess it's cause he's an atheistician."

6) "Why are proctologists like anaesthetists? Because they're anus-squeezy-ologists!"

Also

7) "Prince Edward Islanders are becoming morbidly obese. No wonder they located a new hospital in Sumoside."

8) "This new facility ain't worth a prostitute's saliva! They should have called it the Summerside Ho-Spittle."

Dear Pungents, as a fellow lefty I always notice a person's dominant hand *write* away. Can you think of some pick-up lines I can use on left-handed fellows? Thanks. ~Deborah, Vancouver

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Down with Ritey!"

2) "You're a healthy guy, I noticed you eat a lot of fibre. It must be your right branned thinking."

3) "Show me who's my daddy - I wanna call you my south pa."

4) "Ned Flanders gets me hot and bothered. So come back home to my left-hornium."

5) "I wanna ride your jumbo jet - I'll be a passenger on Lefthansa."

6) "Ambi sextrous?"

7) "Can't we just share the lefter?"