Dear Pungents, I know a 'kitchen' is where bad taste ends and good taste begins, but can we have some more puns about that arooma of my condoment? ~Paul, Bethesda, Maryland

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Before eating your words, how should you cook them? With a my-crow-wave!"

2) (for linguists only) "How can you add a flavourful accent to your plates? Put them in the de-schwa-sher!"

3) "Speaking of which, is Justin Timberlake more qualified to be a dishwasher or a solo artist? Let's just say he was better off In Sink!"

4) "Do rodentivores enjoy stoat-top stuffing? Yes - it can be prepared in a very weaselable amount of time."

5) "At breakfast do cannibals like toes with jam?"

6) "Do jocks prefer drinking out of cups?" (POW)

7) "Were Hansel and Gretel initiated into the witches oven (coven)?"

8) "Boy these kitchen jokes are tasteless - someone must have put 'em in a blander."

Dear Pungents, I need a headline/title for an article about public transportation (bus system) and how dirty and gross it is. Please 'transfer' me to the right person! ~Joshua, Ottawa, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) From public transit to 'pube-lice' transit

2) Fare is foul!

3) Metro-city atrocity: riding the vomit comet

4) Filthy, grimy transit = bad for bus-iness

Dear Pungents, I just underwent laparoscopic surgery (with four enemas, four puncture wounds and three painkiller prescriptions) to remove some ovarian cysts. Do you have any puns to keep me in stiches while I heal? ~Toxic Chi, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) [Point to your puncture wounds] "With rends like these, who needs enemas?"

2) "If Whoopi Goldberg were my doctor, would that make this a Sister-Act-omy?" (cysterectomy, not hysterectomy)

3) "I was anxious prior to the surgery, but I'm glad it's finally ovary."

4) "You always take a chance when you have surgery. I just let the chips fallopian where they may."

5) "I drove to the operating room with ovarian cysts, and I came out with a souped-up Vulva!"

6) "I was swearing like mad before they gave me the painkillers. Nothing like a lil' ibu-profanity! But I guess all's well that ends swell. I'm just aspirin' to get better."

7) "I'm so elated the surgery was a success - I'm ready to perform a laporoscopic dance!"

Dear Pungents, I am working at a camp and the theme is Western. I'd love some Western-themed puns- cowboys, rodeos, farmers, etc. thanks! ~Rachel, Winfield, British Colombia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "At the pervert rodeo you can either buck a bronco or grope a calf."

2) "Who was the fattest lawman in the West? Wide Earp!"

3) "There was a fight at the saloon, and the troublesome cowpolk was forcibly removed by the bartender. In fact it was a shooed-out."

4) "There was one legend who was often mocked and disrepected long after his wild days were through. He even had his car vandalized in a parking lot. Poor old Billie the Keyed."

5) "Do pervert cowboys get their jollies at the cattle raunch?"

Dear Pungents, I'm running a mountain trail race in a few weeks. I need something to say to my competitors as I pass them by, to leave them in stitches, so to speak. Thanks guys, you're the best. ~John, Montreal

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Am I in shape for this race? Yes, I'm very well mountained!"

2) "Looking at your ass when you run makes me think of mountain you."

3) "Hill yeah!"

4) "See you at the Finnish line? No, I'm Russian by. So eat my Dostoyevsky."

5) "If you're biased against mountain courses, does that make you racist?"

6) "After I win this marathon I will retire... to Iran."

7) "Let's flip a coin to see who's faster. If it's trails you lose!"

8) "Are you a good runner? Well, I'll put it this way: you're definitely passable!" (POW)

Dear Pungents, I need some cow puns to use at a dunk tank. ~Joe, Saginaw, Michigan

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Cows at a dunk tank? This is udder disaster! What's the meating of this?"

2) "Knock him down! He's bad to T-bone!"

3) "Will the cow fall into the tank? He'll just have to brisket."

4) "Always dunk your milk."

Dear Pungents, something Australian - kangaroos or some shit like that. Fair dinkum. ~Dukey, Melbourne, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Wallaby damned, you'll roo the day you requested such stereotypical puns! Ya'oo can't be Serious!"

2) "Which continent is home to stalkers? Us trail ya!"

3) "Is it true Aussie men shoot fireworks out their penises? Yes, flare-dink 'em!"

4) "Which supermodel is the child of Satan? Hell MuckFireSon!"

5) "'Too many cooks spoil the broth?' That's especially true with mar-soup-ials."

6) "I knock back the Aussie beers pretty quick, but the locals can drink even Foster."

7) "There was one spot off the coast where actress Drew was known for smoking up. They call it the Great Barrymore Reefer."

8) "They fart so much on one Australian Island - it's known as Gasmania!"

9) "Don't like these puns? 'Din go to hell!"

Dear Pungents, I work at the Law Society of Upper Canada and deal with future lawyers everyday. I've run out of all my lawyer jokes so I need some new ammo. Can you help me out?!? And no, it's not Danielle, although she did send me onto the site when she heard of my intense boredom. Thanks in advance! ~Ciara, Toronto

1) "You law students act like a bunch of cowboys. Well this ain't the Lasso-Ciety!"

2) What do Italian lawyers eat on their birthday? Tort della Nonna!

3) Is the Law Society sexist? Well some women at the LSUC feel the need to dress in skimpy, cleavage-revealing clothing. It's as if they've been called to the bra.

4) Who gets assigned to molestation cases? Our tickling students!

5) Before he became a lawyer, the Devil's Advocate had to write the HELLSAT.

6) Which birds make the best lawyers? The ones who understand seagullese (legalese).

7) Hear about the class-action suit launched against cartoon smokesperson Joe Camel? It has the makings of a real courtroom dromedary!

8) The witness in the dentistry malpractrice suit swore to tell the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.

9) Why should lawyers change their name to 'William'? Because then every hour would be Bill-able!

10) Which lawyer should you hire if you're lactose intolerant? A no-dairy!

11) (extremely nerdy) In the digital imaging lawsuit, who the sued the inventor of the JPEG? The plain TIFF!

12) (finally!) In the case of Her Majesty vs the Pun Gents, Pat and Rhain were prosecuted by the Groan Attorney.

Dear Pungents, a pun for a work bulletin board (heathcare) about lungs or July 4th, fireworks. ~Brenda, Somewhere, USA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: (since July 4th has passed we'll just stick with the lungs)

1) "You've come a lung way, baby."

2) "Hear about the lung-specialists convention in New York? Naturally, it was held in the Bronx (bronchs)."

3) "Do railroad workers have trouble with their Pullmanary arteries?"

4) "Why should pneumonia sufferers avoid Belgium? Because - they're phlegmish!"

5) "Did you hear Prince Charles had a blockage in his windpipe? The news headline read: "Air to the British Throat!"