Pun Gents :: Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Business Slogans :: Team Names :: Punshine Girls and Boys! https://validator.w3.org/feed/docs/rss2.html When I heard the pun about the sleepless little person, I was un imp rest. My pale friend Ted is looking for a good tanning parlour. I told him to post a “Help Wan Ted” ad. Some people think that hiphop artists are more prone to sexual assaults, but I think that’s <strong>rapist</strong>. I can never manage to make a salad. I find my <strong>colander</strong> is just too packed. The professional torturer had to hire a bookkeeper who understood a cruel accounting. There was a man arrested for throwing hot coffee in people’s faces. The police report noted ‘the suspect made use of brewed force’. Barack Obama is much younger than his Republican rival. He was recently quoted as declaring, “I don’t need<strong> my cane</strong> as president!” Some media outlets produce twice as much crap as normal. Especially when they’re <strong>biassed</strong>. Of all the native tribes attempting to settle land claims in court, only the <strong>Sioux</strong> have been successful. If you want to liberate an island, dial atoll-free number. One of the worst insect massacres in history was at the battle of Swatterloo. I know a coffee shop that’s been in business 40 years. That’s long java tea. Don’t Taste Me Bro Many great oarsmen have become rowed scullers. What do pickpockets and political writers have in common? One is <strong>pursecuted</strong>, the other is <strong>prose-cuted</strong>. My personal attempts to re-create a black hole have met with abyssal failure. When ordering seconds of Jamaican food at a restaurant in Utah, you have to ask for “<strong>more man</strong>“. Movie about the first female umpire: Official Called Wanda. Shakespeare tried to get into acting school, but he was bard. Who knows about African wines? A Somali, eh. Any theory about baby behaviour must have many <strong>crawleries</strong>. I never ask my dentist and his wife to come for dinner. If he hears about a party, he complains, “Why gingivitis over?” I’m sick of parades. I have in formation overload. Bible movie remakes? Ben Hur, done that. Why does Greek epic poetry put you to sleep? Because it’s based on the snoral tradition.  How do proctologists figure out how much to bill their clients? <strong>Fecal</strong>culators. What are pigeon dictatorships most susceptible to? A: Coos. My friend is a fighter pilot, and he’s into mach-making. He can introduce you to several G’s. I Finn ally have a Scandinavian friend. Frequent urination is the hallmark symptom of which STD? Gone urea. I pulled my torso. It’s oblique situation. It’s not what I in tendoned. I have no regrets about hurling Mr. Potatohead to his death. I yam what I yam. What country do marathoners retire to? A: Iran. I fear both men and women. I’m a hermafraidite. Candy factories rely on sweet shop labour. Exactly why am I a dessert chef? Cuz, I get a big cake out of it. What’s a morse code expert’s favourite tech website? Dashdot. Doctors without Boarders is a charity that helps landed professionals find paying tenants. Ophthalmology puns make me glassy eyed. I don’t like <strong>vitreous humor</strong>. Smore’s code: incomprehensible campfire tradition. Letterman’s latest <strong>mono log</strong> was a piece of crap. <a href="http://www.foxhome.com/xfilesportal/">David Duchovny</a> couldn’t get over his old girlfriend. He was an <strong>ex-phile</strong>. None of my tweets go viral. It’s like that ’80s movie, The Never-Trending Story. Are people from Kiev very tall? Yes – <strong>u kraine</strong> your neck to see them! How does a male cat sense when a female is in heat? All the feral moans. Whenever a moon landing goes horribly wrong, NASA must <strong>apollogize</strong>. The Sub-Rhyme Crisis of 2007 was caused by bad poetry. NED: Being a cremator is a lucrative business. ED: How’s that? NED: You <strong>urn</strong> a lot! Who will never change? An end o’ morph. Bilbo gave up the Ring, saying “Better Safe than Sauron.”