Sommeone who really nose grapes is a winoceros. I read it in a bouquet.

I quit drinking and took up showering: I’m clean and soapier.

I have a famous beer belly. Someone even wrote a novel about it: The Pilsners of the Girth.

When I was in Japan, I bummed some wine, in Nagasaki.

Dear Pun Gents, we’re 5 girls, 2 guys running in an ultra marathon starting at one brewing company and ending at another. Need a short, drinking-related name! ~Heather, Roeland Park, KS

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. We Run Pasteur
2. Faster, Higher, Lager
3. Hops Scotch
4. Rock Hard ABVs [Alcohol By Volume]
5. Barrely Alive

Dear Pun Gents, I’m writing a story about a castle that was converted into a tavern. I think it needs a punny name, don’t you? ~Hadley, Saskatoon, SK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Sit Your Buttress Down
2. Come Get Pilastered
3. The Bar Bican
4. The DramBridge
5. Get Your Moater Running
6. Redoubtful Renovation
7. We’re All Out of Stockade
8. Lunchin’ in a Dungeon

Dear Pun Gents, we are a co-ed softball team with a new sponsor this year - Flight Wine Bar. Looking for a good name! ~Michelle, Glenview, IL

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Wining!
2. Flight of Stars
3. Barbie Eyes
4. Slo Pitch, Quick Shots
5. Out of the Cellar

Dear Pun Gents, I need a team name that has something to do with wine. Our colors are red and white, hence the wine idea. It’s for work, so it needs to be clean-ish. ~Frances, Charleston, SC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Riesling to the Challenge
2. The All Time Grapes
3. Barrelly Alive
4. In It to Wine It

Dear Pun Gents, I and three others are participating in the Beer Olympics. I need a team name related to drinking. Thanks! ~Sarah, Sheperdstown

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Stout Your Engines
2. Beeronimo!
3. We’re No Lagereds
4. Head of the Competition
5. Race Your Glass

The Wedding at Cana proved that Jesus was a wine/eau.

How did ancient bar-goers settle their tabs?

A bacchus.

Dear Pun Gents, I am starting a string of liquor stores and need a name and possibly a slogan. ~Ed, Kenosha, WI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Boozooka Joe’s
2. Tickety Booze
3. Al’s Cohality Liquor
4. Winers: We are the Champagnes!
5. Two-Four/7 [Beer store]
6. Glass Sippers
7. Subourbon

Dear Pun Gents, I home-brew beer and I’m looking to create a ‘patron saint of beer’ for a logo. Something along the lines of my old favorite: “Patron Saint of Fireworks: St. Mary IgniteUs. (you can use that one) ~Ernest, Worcester, MA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. St. Brewno
2. St. Al Cahal
3. St. Maximus Buzzinski
4. St. Ibeerius
5. St. Inebrius Di Still
6. St. Stoutus
7. St. Hopsgood
8. Thomas A-wine-us - The saint with an ale’o

Dear Pun Gents, we need a team name for a music-themed wine tasting and quiz. Team names are to include rock/music star/act and possibly be related to wine. We are three girls and one guy - please help! ~Catherine, Aberdeen, Scotland

1. Death Cabernet for Cutie
2. House of the Riesling Sun
3. All Time Best Cellars
4. Chordannay
5. April Wine
6. Port-ishead
7. Brandy
8. Glassic Rock
9. We are the Champagnes
10. We’re Hardcork

I waited too long after New Year’s to uncork my champagne; it was a bit spumanti-climactic.

I don’t want to drink alone. Please beer with me.

I woke up beside an elephant. Man did I feel trunk last night.

Tuscany is a slum! Everyone lives in chianti-towns. And I don’t mean to grape, but  in some French regions, all the houses are bordeauxed up. What a bunch of vine-os - the lowest of the Merlot!

The ancient Mongols, after each victory, got extremely drunk. They commanded a barf-lung empire.

Dear Pun Gents, I work for the UK’s Royal Mail (our national Postal Service) on the sales team. We have three teams in the office and our team is notoriously bad at coming up with a good name. The two main services we sell are called Tracked and Packetpost and we enjoy a good drink. Gin’ll Fix It has already gone and we need something wittier than this! Please help. ~Lyndsey, Chicester, West Sussex, England

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Ahead of the Package
2. It’ll beer here soon
3. Hot Fee Mails
4. Booze De-livery
5. Pickup Artists
6. Large Package Handlers

Drinking Japanese beer makes me Sapporific.

Dear Pun Gents, we’re having custom cozies made for our beach wedding in Hawaii and need a slogan them.  We need something better than “Let’s get Mauied” ‘ cause that’s lame. Thanks! ~Maryann, Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Hawaii Doing?
2. Honeymumu in Honolulu
3. Ring Beerers
4. This Beach is Cold
5. Serve Us Up [Surf's Up]

Dear Pun Gents, we have to rename a liquor store.  My wife runs it full-time. We sell beer, spirits, a little wine. Blue-collar store in an old neighborhood. ~Matt, Shawnee, KS (long-time fan)

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. What Ales You
2. Liquor-ner Store
3. Inebriattitude
4. Boozunteit
5. Mom and Pop Shots

Dear Pun Gents,  I’m looking for a pun for a shot glass for a bachelorette party. It’s a run of the mill drinking party. Something unique. ~Michelle, Windsor, ON

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Bride is one of the 7 deadly gins.
2. Bailey able to stand
3. Jello Hooters
4. Shoot Your Load.
5. Gal-liano
6. Totally Kahlua-lass

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun to ask a friend to buy beer or alcohol. ~Joey, Redlands, CA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Ale be forever grateful.
2. Don’t make me go boozerk.
3. Wine not?
4. Vodka I do for you?
5. It’s not going tequila-ya
6. Can I ask you a martini tiny favour?