My friend speared a midget in the eye with her new boobs. I guess that’s what happens with imp-lants.

Kleptomaniac amputees take a lot of faux toes.

After my friend and I underwent painful foreskin removal - we found ourselves in strange circum stances

The journalist refused to see a doctor. He didn’t want to reveal ass-sores.

Valet drivers love the limo scene.

My girlfriend had feet where there should have been nipples. Just thinking about her makes me hungry for TosTitos.

One of my legs was outsourced to Bangladesh. Just another casualty of globalize a shin.

Dear Pun Gents, we are two girls and one guy in a weight loss competition. Donation made! ~Owen, Bonita Springs, FL

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Riddish Pounds
2. If Looks Could Kilo
3. Loss of Physics
4. We Love Handles Messiah
5. Weight to Go
6. No Mo Mayo Clinic
7. Skinnisiology
8. SizeMic
9. Thinaman Hearts
10. Slender Bender

There’s an old proverb that recommends against circumcision: Spear the rod, spoil the child.

I was run over by a sports car. Now I have Corvetture of the spine.

Which Greek philosopher had a boob job? Epictetus.

One of my legs is actually just a hologram. It give me a rather e-femural sensation.

You can tell an absentminded painter because he has a left palette.

The baker of erotic penis-shaped cakes celebrated the full flour of manhood.

Fitting into size-19 shoes is the greatest feet imaginable.

NED: So, I was a guest at a Jewish circumcision.
ED: Really.
NED: The hosts actually charged admission to watch, and made us line up outside!
ED: Really.
NED: I couldn’t believe their nerve—such queue bris!

Dear Pun Gents, I need a team name for a jug curling tournament. Our friend’s team is called Nice Jugs. Something provocative would be great. ~Ryan, Ottawa, ON

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. You Don’t Have the Stones
2. We’re no Rockheads
3. Skips and Juggles
4. Jugular
5. Jugger Naughty

Is it true that having a big nose is caused by a rhinovirus?

Dear Pun Gents, I am an optometry student and I’m looking for a pun theme for our fancy annual party called ‘Eyeball’ (e.g. eyeland of enchantment, apple of my eye). Thank you! ~Sarah, St. Louis, MO

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. This Ball is Ophthal Wall
2. Tropical Eye Lens Theme
3. Under the See
4. Naughty Pupils
5. Myopium
6. A Blinkin’
7. Dilate M for Murder
8. The Glauc of the Irish
9. Smooth Lacrimals
10. Lasik Sunday
11. Macula Conception
12. Nystag Party
13. Vitreous is Sweet
14. Get in the Zonule

Don’t forget to commemorate Penis Re-Attachment Month, aka Nomember.

Getting implants is Parton parcel of being a Southern music belle.

A colonoscope, aka a crack-er jack.

If someone steals your bra, you can put your case before adjust tits of the peace.

The largest rear end I ever saw was an ass tonne ishing sight.

I was violently kicked in the nuts. So I called 911 to get an ambulance. They said, sorry, dong number.

The universal language of foot injuries, ie A sprained toe.

I don’t own a big house, but at least I have my legs, ie two man shins.

A male strip club is a real dong show.

NED: I met a woman with water-based breast implants!
ED: Really?
NED: It was nice to make her aqua-in-tits!

Handing out entry bracelets at a concert is a safety precaution: it’s smart wrist management.

If you’re a woman endowed with a divine bosom, you’ve god tit made.

If Jesus had been a chiropractor, would there have been millions of disc I pulls?

There was a recently released study on rectal occlusions. What does it pooer-port to say?

The inventors of the silicone breast implant are long since retired. But I just want to say tanks for the mammaries.

I saw a rooster with a vagina, so I killed and ate it. No herm, no fowl.

Which Transformers had fake breasts?

The Decepticones.

There are places in India that sells prosthetic phalanges:  A dhobi faux toe shop

Dolly Parton charmed me into watching the Winter Games. I was boobs led.

The Frenchman broke his bones. Os snap!

The pun about the man with the world’s longest shin? I’ll finish it tomorrow. Tibia continued…

I broke my leg dancing. My new nickname is Saturday Night Femur.

I was surprised when my brain surgeon requested a urine sample. I replied ‘Why does my pia mater?’

And I was quite dejected after they removed my frontal lobes. I wanted nothing but to sulci around the house.

Hear about the woman who wore a toupee in place of a bra? She was involved in a major rug bust.

Most newspaper editors have typo-negative blood.

If you want to get into the female genital piercing business, now is the time to stake your clam.

Wow, check our giant load of new pun requests!

Trench warfare: When a woman receives oral pleasure from a bearded Klingon.

The jolly fat man spoke with great jelloquence.

A tall woman with a perky bosom probably enjoyed several growth perts.

New Puns on Demand posted!

With the high cost of hair-loss treatments, it’s not just hairlines that are receipting.