Someone overturned my port-a-potty! So I pressed litigation, hiring lawyer John Flip Sues-a

Green vegetables make me fart. We’re talkin’ kale force winds.

Don’t borrow a friend’s pants, even if you have diarrhea. You need to shart your own cords.

The Boomer government reports that Depends spending is on the rise, especially incontinents with European forces or near the Pissific Ocean.

Hear about the cannibal at the farm who wanted to eat his boss, but really had to pee?

In the end he chews the farmer over the bladder.

I sneezed in my sleep. Now I’m afraid I have bed boogas.

Upon hearing someone noisily defecate in a bathroom stall, people tend to scurry away. Scientists have labeled this phenomenon the Ploppler Shift.

When dinosaurs lost the ability to fart, they faced ex-stinktion.

I am a professional flatulence-connoisseur. I enjoy fartisan whines. I am, as the French say, a smmelier.

Solving constipation is a matter of bran over brown.

There was a famous crooner who sang exclusively about peeing. He was quite the bladdeer. Some of his hits included:

• Urol Always On My Mind (duet with Urethra Franklin)
• Give Piss a Chance
• Looey Looey
• Yellow
• I Streamed a Dream

His name? Huddy Bedwetter .

I wanted to go golfing but spent my day covered in dog vomit. I guess that’s barf for the curs.

Passing gas takes courage, aka intestinal fartitude.

If you drink too much water you can insult people. It’s not very pee see.

The ancient Mongols, after each victory, got extremely drunk. They commanded a barf-lung empire.

I began owning up to my flatulence, after eating a frank-farter.

My constipated friends and I decided to get together and have a block potty.

My cow sneezed, so I swore at it. There was so much moo cuss.

Disney made a movie about a man who lit his farts. They called it Butane and the Beast.

Do computer-controlled urinals have their own I pee address?

Six more pun requests fulfilled. Ask us anything!

I was surprised when my brain surgeon requested a urine sample. I replied ‘Why does my pia mater?’

And I was quite dejected after they removed my frontal lobes. I wanted nothing but to sulci around the house.

It’s the disease of many faces. In fact, anyone in a bathroom could have loo piss.

Whenever I visit the lavatory I get nostalgic. The feeling can be best described as an overwhelming sense of urining.

A Frenchman would have you believe his farts smell sweeter. I’ve been to Paris and can tell you, this is a beau gas claim.

They found the cure for marsupial diarrhea in Koala Lumper.

Wondering when it’s ok to fart? Trust your in stink.

What vegetable makes birds fart?

A sparrow gas.

There’s a new brand of toilet water, made from diarrhea: it’s called Eau du Colon.

Pat’s 2009 Pun Off “Punniest of Show” Routine :: Farts and Terrorism

I’ll cut to the cheese:  I had a you reeka moment while reading an article in Ass Choir magazine.

It said that though Western peoples are controlling their emissions, there are still vast buildups of natural gas, held in tense grip between belligerent Cheeks in the Mid East.

This has led to methane-ous crimes among Arab arsetalkocracies, including the assgassination of the Blue Angel, leader of the Fartsee people, which has the hole region under a terrible cloud. The stealth bomber let loose in a crowded theatre hot box; it was John Wilts-the-Booth, a has-beans actor, aka Jack the Ripper, who suffocated his victim in the dark.

Since then, nonstop stench warfare: silent-but-deadly rocket blasts (outside the Qatar embarrassee) and the cries of aerate sirens. Ol factories have been odoured shut down for safety. In Krakow meanwhile, Eeeeewww leaders have held nothing in there but talks for days– many high rank officials are holding their noses in response to the colon of doody.

Egyptian statesman Atef Ebeid (Burrito) also scented a strong message: He let one slip recently, boasting “In Egypt, we have ‘toot’ in common. We created the mysterious Sphinx, which baffle the world. Now we have a mighty Force of Air. Let smell-odious trumpets sound! Let the infidels sulphur!”

I’m no Nostrildamus, but my analysis? Throw caulking to the wind, and plug holes in these terrorassts: That would help rectumfy everything before it goes any farter!

Thank you, it’s been a slice.

People who drink too much and vomit in the toilet are victims of their own loo-knee behaviour.

Do babies drive Mini Poopers?

Mr. T is getting incontinent in his old age. He was recently heard to boast, “I shitty the pool.“

What Obama suffered from after the holidays: Presidential eggnog-urination.

What Obama suffered from after the holidays: Presidential eggnog-urination.

New Puns on Demand filled today!

Is it true women like men who yawn?

No actually. Sighs don’t matter.

If you’re pladder is full at a banquet, then remove some pees.

NED: I’ve figured out a way to generate electricity—from sheep farts!
ED: Really? I never thought it could be done.
NED: Ass watt ewe stink!

When the rain fell on our heads it was like glorious piss. So I quoted Shakespeare, saying “The sky is a most excellent can o’ pee.”

The monks preserved the History of Diarrhea in an Ill Loo Men Ated Manuscrapt.

How would you describe most songs about farts?

Quite smell odious.

I had nothing but diarrhea when I visited the French Chateau

NED: “When I went to France I pissed away all my Euros!”
ED: “Why did you do that?”
NED: “Well, I was in-continent!”
ED: “So you’re a-peein’?”
NED: “Yes, and it’s painful!”

Locutus suffered from excess flatulation after feasting on the s’more gas Borg.

There was a lineup at the women’s restroom, and they were so upset there was talk of revolution, ie a queue des twats.

I drank too much bouillon and now I pee soup.

Do leafy vegetables give you gas?

Yes, to misquote the Latin proverb, arsest celery fart ‘em.

There are vast quantities of natural gas held in tense grip between warring Middle Eastern Cheeks. This has led to methane-ous crimes among the rival arsetalkocracies, including the recent assgassination of the Blue Angel, leader of the Qatar people — which puts all Fartsees under a cloud of suspicion. Once the flow of blood is stenched, the factions must put this behind them and shart a new course, toot suite.

My son is getting farter and farter behind, so we’re hiring a tooter. It should rectumfy the shituation, whenever the teacher decides to colon him.

When a dog is choking, other dogs will frantically sniff its butt in an attempt to save it. This is known as the hind-lick manoeuver.

NED: Do you blog?
ED: No.
NED: Really, I thought you did.
ED: Well, I do keep a diarrhea, but only on Splatterdays.