Family Food: a game show for cannibals.

I met a cannibal in Mongolia. He told me to Gobi dessert.

Hear about the cannibal who only ate liars? Because, he said, they were high in fibber.

Do Asian cannibals eat a lot of raw-men noodles?

I’m not one to criticize cannibalism. To eat his own.

Soviet cannibals preferred dining on Germans. Because they were total-eat-Aryans.

How does a cannibal greet his guests?

Knife to eat you!

Hear about the cannibal who kidnapped the octuplets?

He eight them.

Do native cannibals go to McDonald’s and order a Mic Mac?

Hear about the cannibal who mistakenly ate the leper?

Afterwards he said, “Sorry, I thought you were a dine-o-sore!”

Dictator Idi Amin was accused of cannibalism. His was a totaleatarian regime, after all.

Hear about the disgusting native Indian cannibal, who smelled like raw Siouxage?

Motto of a necrophage: “Nice tomb eat you!”

My niece ate my nephew. Such a little munch-kin!

How do you rebuke a cannibal?

“Don’t ‘ate!”

What’s an Iraqi cannibal’s favourite dish?

Legs, Sunni side up!

(but what about cheese Kurds?)

Hannibal Lecter wore an Indian man’s skin as clothes. He especially liked his Kashmir sweater.

Which linguist is a midget-eating cannibal?

Gnome Chompsky.

Hear that they found evidence of cannibalism in the city of Lima?

Why yes - the Peruvian is in the pudding!

Why do cannibals attending university only eat the head, the buttocks and the genitals?

Because they’re so skull-ass-dick!

Pat’s 2005 Pun Off Punniest of Show Routine :: Cannibalism

The transcript of Pat’s bronze-medal winning performance (score: 38 out of a possible 40)

Men and women of good taste, great to finally eat you! I wouldn’t lie, my mother braised me well, so that’s no can o’ bull. After years in the Pizza Corpse working as a human-eat-arian, I’m here finally to compete; I promise you I’m no flesh in the pan.

My girlfriend, a cute little fillet, name’s Cake Moss, spends all her time cooking in the microwaif, didn’t think I’d make it this far, but now she’s eating Russell Crowe. Sometimes I’m not so glad I ator – I mean, date her. Nothing’s worse than a jealous liver.

But I won’t Lecter you; I’m not one of those annoying people who never stops chewing you out. You’re all men of convection; I’m practically in oven with you; I am enjoying you people with relish.

Please come over to my place for a donner party. Don’t worry if you are lack-toes intolerant, I’ll strap the feet-bag right on you. You like fresh brain muffins? Exskullent! Then it’s toast slathered with marma-ladies, scrambled legs, all washed down with a full-bodied wino. And dessert: adam’s apple pie with eyes cream and my favourite, J-Lo pudding pops. Bring your kids over to play too – I’d consider it a veal good time.

Now I’m off on a tour of international menus: first it’s Iceland for Bjork chops - then Manila for some Phyllopinos, and also France to have a true hommelette breakfast! Last stop’s the Vatican, where I hope to have the pope’s ear. Hope he listens - someone’s got to keep that guy a-cannibal!

Thanks for letting me take you in gest; I’ll ketchup with you later.

Why did the cannibal look forward to his trip to Europe?

Because he had a Swede tooth.

What do French cannibals eat for breakfast?

Hommelettes!