Eminem owns two pipelines in Central Asia:

1. Gas Uzbek
2. ‘Stan

(what about Sallim Zashadi)?

Forget pension benefits - most American grannies want to be pinchin’ Ben Afflecks!

What’s J-Lo got behind her skirt? It reminds me of that movie, The Great Ass Cape.

The most popular language in the world right now is Sheenese.

To reduce the numbers of hours people waste watching award shows, many governments are imposing Oscarity measures.

The actor who played the lisping stammerer in The King’s Speech is my Firth choice for Oscar.

Dear Pun Gents, I’m writing a feature about knitted royal weddings (William and Kate Middleton). I need a short pun that incorporates knitting, weddings and royalty! ~Elaine, Colchester, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Windsors tie the knit
2. Such a needles expense!
3. Not a crochety couple
4. We’re all for gauge marriage
5. All eyes will be swatching
6. Kate seems comfortable in her skein.

Fergie lush is?

Does Bono buy expensive-brand groceries?

No, he shops where the treats have no name.

I set fire to a talk show host. I was charged with Arsenio.

2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: ‘Bad Romans‘.

Is Rowan Atkinson’s career over yet? They should call him Mr. Been.

When Yoko was down on her luck, her proctologist worked probe Ono.

Spice Girls, the Movie? It’s about thyme.

Do Ms. Minelli’s ex-husbands all get together and play Liza tag?

A very rich and famous dwarf passed away recently. He was low dead.

The ancient Egyptians were fans of Miley’s ancestor, who was also Osiris.

The best part of befriending an obese celebrity? Unfattered assess!

Dolly Parton charmed me into watching the Winter Games. I was boobs led.

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun-ny name for an academic blog about youth, media and popular culture. Other topics include fame, celebrity, stardom and television. It’s a blog name, so 1-3 words max, preferably. (I know - it’s hard! But you guys can do it. I have faith) ~Lindsay, Dallas, TX

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. PhDizzle
2. The Aca-dame
3. Mediacademia
4. Academedia
5. Academeaning
6. You’re Higher-ed!

Cojonan O’brien really had balls standing up to NBC, after getting bumped by the Jay Jay.

Tiger Woods’ career has philandered.

The second richest man in the world hates restaurants , and has even declared a war on buffets.

All eyes are on Tiger’s wood. It’s affair way to heaven to marry a celebrity, but I wouldn’t take him back for alimony in the world.

When MJ’s hair caught fire, was he a Jacko Lantern?

Is the Internet haunted? Behind every link could be a horrifying, astley presence.

Paul Reiser wakes up every morning in a fog.

Bruce Lee was meant to be the greatest. It was man of fist destiny.

There are so many to pick from, but what was Charlie Chaplin’s clowning achievement?

“Hithee hither!”: proof that Michael Jackson’s “Beat it”, when translated into Olde English, is a recipe for indiscriminate violence against both sexes.

The weirdest celebrity Christmas ever was when Eminem sang in reverse and then disappeared. He un-rapped his presence.

Which actress wobbled when she walked? Lucille Ball.

Five new Puns on Demand granted today!

Did you know David Copperfied refuses to take Viagra? Because he’s the master of missed erection.

Four new Puns on Demand filled today

Paris Hilton was caught fellating her boyfriend while he still had his pants on. Now she claims to have an undie-served reputation.

Hear that you can place bets in Vegas about celebrity pregnancies? Just check the ovary/undies!

Mr. T is getting incontinent in his old age. He was recently heard to boast, “I shitty the pool.“

Keanu Reeves’ bio-pic will be a tale of whoa.

Which actor liked beefcakes?
Clark Gay Bull.

What’s Michael Jackson’s signature Japanese-style beef dish?
Moo-in-wok.

Which bacterial illness is often caught by celebrities?

A-listeriosis.

Dustin ‘Offman is a neat freak.

Why can’t J-Lo complete the purchase of her house?

Cuz she’s always in ass-grow.

What’s Mike Tyson’s favourite video game console?

Ex-box.

Latest from the celeb rumour mill: Josh Growban wants to stop midget advancement.

After Pamela Anderson left Baywatch, the outlook was Bleeth.

There is one TV psychologist who is a compulsive over-eater. They call him Doctor Fill My Craw.

After the Statue of Liberty was stolen, David Copperfield was put on trial to be judged by his peers. But he was found not guilty, as he was a con juror.