After the Statue of Liberty was stolen, David Copperfield was put on trial to be judged by his peers. But he was found not guilty, as he was a con juror.

Which Nazi loved Michael Jordan?

Joseph Goebbels. He loved it when things were Goering well for the Chicago squad, and especially when MJ would achieve Luftwaffe and Reich up the points. For the fans, it was beyond their wildest iMaginotion. It was Panzermonium.

Which actor gave the most grateful Oscar acceptance speech?

T.Hanks.

Rowan Atkinson refuses to do nude scenes, due to insecurity over his pale complexion. He wrote about it, in fact: The Unbareable Whiteness of Bean.

Prince Charles has just throne another fit, but as usual he’s full of hot heir. He needs to turn that crown upside down!

Which member of the royal family collects photos of fat women?

Charles, aka The Prints of Whales.

Some Russian freedom fighters are actually Chinese. The most famous example would be the notorious Chechen Chong.

Breaking News: Conrad Black just felon hard times. The newspaper magnate has attracted a lot of press recently.

As she’s watching the paparazzi ruckus from heaven, I’m sure she wished to have been Princess Die-anonymously.

Which boxer took so many punches he got a hole in the back of his head?

George Foramen.

What is Shaquille O’Neal’s favourite play?

The Giant Monologues.

Only when the entire planet makes jokes about Billy Idol, will there be har mony.

The lead singer of R.E.M. became a professional paid hit man. He would kill people for a moderate Stipe-end.

Serial divorcee Larry King’s philandering lifestyle has finally been ex-spoused.

Ms. Jolie’s become skinny as a string. Brad’s worried. Soon they’ll be Banjolina!

After he had his skin bleached, Michael Jackson felt de-hue-manized.

Boy George has tried out to replace Steve Irwin. He can’t wrestle crocodiles, but he can calm a chameleon.

Prince Harry joined the British army, but he belongs in the heir force.

Why is Michael Jackson so crazy?

Well, he’s been hit by lightening several times.

Celebrity gossip: Paris Hilton has moved to Idaho.

Who leaves me speechless?

Beyonce.

Did you know about P. Diddy’s record? He spent a few years in J-Lo. Then he left, because he didn’t want to be friends with Bennifers.

Why did Britney’s suicide attempt fail?

Because Kevin Fed her line.

How does ‘Father Earth’ dance so well?

Well, he’s a scientist, so he uses an Algoreithm.

Bill Gates was quite a deliquent as a child; a real nerd-do-well!

Tina Turner’s youngest daughter has already been called to the bar. She’s a teen attorney.

If Bill Gates leaves, his company MightGrowSoft. And if they drop the Ballmer it’d be even worse.

Eminem came on stage and the audience was rapped.

Wayne Gretzky puns are hokey. I’m so tired of that schtick. It’s always the same pucking thing. No more Mr Ice Guy!

Where in the Bible does God create J-Lo’s divine buttocks?

The Book of Jen Asses.

NED: Will Schwarzenegger be re-elected in California?
ED: Yes - he’s the two-terminator

When rocker Jagger yawns, the Earth shakes. It’s a sighs Mick event.

What does Pat Sajak say in a pet store?

“Would you like to buy an owl?”

It was recently discovered that spearfishers are gay. Because they Lance Bass.

Canada is a lan(d) Thicke with bad actors.

If Elton John and Albert Einstein ever got together, their undeniable chemistry would be termed a homogeneous mixture.

War crimes scandal: everyone knows how Slobodan Milosevic was recently found dead in his prison cell in Geneva. Less well known is that rapper Vanilla Ice has also been charged - with rhymes against humanity.

Bill Clinton was definitely oversaxed.

If I hear any more Celine Dion, I’m going to climb the walls and Di on the ceiling.

How do they clone dead royalty?

With a Princess Die.

Michael Jackson thought he was Jesus. One day he even gave the Sermon on the Mount. And it was known as the Beat-it-udes.

They killed the king of daytime television. It was Regiside.

William Shatner and Burt Reynolds are close friends. They’re like toupees in a pod.

Garry Kasparov’s favourite wood is chestnut.

Is it true Michael J Fox did a documentary in the 1980s about starvation in Southeast Asia?

Yes, Faminy Thais.

Funny, that J-Lo - she insists that her houses be insulated with ass-best-os!

Is Billy Idol satanic?

Yes - Mony is the root of all evil