What did the swine flu say to the seasonal flu? H1, N1ce to meet you!

See 6 latest pun requests!

It’s the disease of many faces. In fact, anyone in a bathroom could have loo piss.

Catching swine flu is a porcine of health.

What’s worse than Tourette’s? Blurtigo.

Do people in castles suffer from Turrets Syndrome?

Now for a very special series: Our STI movie night! Caught on the big screen*, in HPV-D!

Featuring:

• Warts of the World
• Extraordinary Pimples
• Gonorrhea in 60 Seconds, starring V.Diesel (an infectious horror show!)
• Schindler’s Syphilist
• Pus in Booty
• The Quickie and The Dead
• Sleeping with the Emnity
• Star Whores Episode II: Attack of the Colons
  

Followed by a live performance of wandering menstruals!

*or catch it virally on YouTube

Did you hear about the epileptic jiggle-o? He was seized as a prostitute, after cruising the spaz scene. I say it’s no one else’s business though: ‘twitch his own.

If I got a yeast infection, I wouldn’t complain. I don’t want to seem like a spore’s port.

I check for gonad cancer by feeling my teste size.

The amputee politician was vainly obsessed with his leg I see.

People who are bleeding to death have difficulty opening doors. Because they can’t tournequet.

When it comes to visual acuity, people with myopia are in the lowest squintile.

The good Samaritan loved his neighbour a bit too freely. He contracted helpatitis.

Lepers love free software. Especially if it’s open sores.

Blind folks are the no see-est people.

People with diabetes shouldn’t fool around. No more hanky pancreas!

Are bulimics all bile lingual?

Amputees would love to revolt, and form a nolegarchy. But they refuse to rise up! [... at least they contribute to the noleg economy]

The worst healthcare system is in Illinois. They should rename it Sickago.

The Gents aren’t ones to make puns involving epilepsy and synagogues, but if the shul fits…

[Yikes! If this puns has you foaming at the mouth, you should also get checked for rabbis...]

Alcoholics can’t play baseball. It’s a swig and a miss.

More Puns on Demand filled today!

I picked up chicken pox at a shingles bar.

Where do you purchase prosthetic phalanges?
A faux-toe shop.

Tons more pun requests fulfilled today!

Which bacterial illness is often caught by celebrities?

A-listeriosis.

I eat pie and it makes me sick. I’m a member of the Flu Flux Flan.

Canadians are alcoholics. They all belong to Eh Eh.

Which soft drink is most violently contagious?

SARSparilla.

NED: My arms and legs are bubbling over!
ED: Huh?
NED: It’s true, I have limb-foama!

There’s a high incidence of cancer at polyp and paper mills.

Death row inmates with laryngitis can’t speak up for themselves. Their women will want to save them, however, because they’re hung like a hoarse.

How do you surgically remove bad memories?

Get a happendectomy.

Favourite nursery rhyme of WWI ‘trench foot‘ victims: Pus in Boots.

All my friends have dangerously explosive bowels. But I stand by my Crohnies nonetheless.

Which country has the worst blood circulation? Slovenia.

I don’t believe that a midget is really a midget, until I see the medical shortificate.

Do our puns make you vomit? Then visit a refluxologist!

The leading cause of death among pathologists is coronerary heart attacks.

Those with vitiligo can still have careers as supermottles.

When a dog is choking, other dogs will frantically sniff its butt in an attempt to save it. This is known as the hind-lick manoeuver.

Those born in tooth-ows innate will have perpetual dental problems.

Those who enjoy dipping their testicles in ice cream suffer from cone genital abnormalities.

When the geometer fell and twisted his angle, he suffered acutely.

Hey, meet some gnu friends of ours: the lovely lasses at That’s Punny! have a great pun-photo blog for your ocular entertainment!

Hear about the hobbled gynecologist, who couldn’t walk anywhere without crotches?

NED: Does Ontario have electile dysfunction?
ED: If they do, it’s because political support is softening.

The sad irony: as soon as I broke my neck, and lost feeling ‘down below’, the girls suddenly wanted my number!

I was so happy to get over my paralysis. In fact I was ex-static.

The blind jazz singer had pimples. Does noticing that make me Ray cyst?

My mother-in-law got her mammaries replaced by suction cups. Now whenever she leans in for a kiss, I get ma stuck to me.

John liked donkey patties, but Paul did not. The Beatles suffered from “ass burgers syndrome“, and one reason for their break-up was their autistic differences.