Hear about the hobbled gynecologist, who couldn’t walk anywhere without crotches?

NED: Does Ontario have electile dysfunction?
ED: If they do, it’s because political support is softening.

The sad irony: as soon as I broke my neck, and lost feeling ‘down below’, the girls suddenly wanted my number!

I was so happy to get over my paralysis. In fact I was ex-static.

The blind jazz singer had pimples. Does noticing that make me Ray cyst?

My mother-in-law got her mammaries replaced by suction cups. Now whenever she leans in for a kiss, I get ma stuck to me.

John liked donkey patties, but Paul did not. The Beatles suffered from “ass burgers syndrome“, and one reason for their break-up was their autistic differences.

Hear about the cannibal who mistakenly ate the leper?

Afterwards he said, “Sorry, I thought you were a dine-o-sore!”

Before integration, amputee baseball players were only allowed in the Knee Grow Leagues.

Anyone who repeatedly paves a street is retarreded.

A leper doesn’t change his spots.

After the Tuberculosis Society held a lavish fundraising banquet, their coughers were quite full.

The woman stuck a pole up a Swedish guy’s behind. That’s how she got Sven aerial disease.

Kim Jong Ill is a sick man. He keeps thrashing about the world stage like he has Huntington’s Korea. Not only that, he keeps all his citizens starving in archie bunkers, watching All in the Faminey.

A newfound cure for depression is esteem bath.

I wish I could meat a nice anorexic girl. I recently tried dating someone who is bulimic. But she always wanted to fight. So I said “Ok - throw em up!”

I wanted to be an organ donor, but the doctors never de-livered.

The spread of testicular cancer has reached epididymis proportions.

Some people are lactose intolerant, but galactose is universally tolerated.

Which disease devastated Russia for centuries?

CZARS.

NED: Joe Malignant is no longer my friend.
ED: Why not?
NED: Because - he’s always spreading tumours about me!

In summertime haemophiliacs enjoy spending time at the clottage. But if it’s closed they’ll go to a bled-and-breakfast.

Will a sex change operation affect your bowel movements?

Yes - you’ll get die-urethra.

Hear about the bold new killer?

Emphasisema.

The theatre company caused a stir when it put on a play in an STD clinic. The ensemble was accused of acting in a rash manor.

What’s worse than colour blindness?

Being chromatose.

The blind man protesting outside the White House was brailling against authority.

PSAs for erectile dysfunction are so Viagravating.

Frequent urination is the hallmark symptom of which STD?

Gone urea.

If you look at these digital photos of the wounded soldier up close, it looks like he was shot by a Canon.

Why do people who have bad reactions to milk not put up with amputees?

Because they are lack-toes intolerant!

What did Tonto put on his sushi when undergoing cancer treatment?

Chemo-wasabe!

Why does a dirty old man chase after girls who have had liver transplants?

Because he likes them new-bile!

Is baldness inherited or exhairited?

What do you get if you sit too long on an outer-space toilet?

Asterrhoids.