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Puns tagged ‘food and drink’:

09/02/10

Eating beans gives me a pulse hating headache.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 5)
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08/29/10

Do race car drivers skip brake fast?

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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08/23/10

I eat shredded cabbage with mayonnaise: I’m a slaw-biting citizen.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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08/10/10

My Russian mechanic souped up my car. Now it drives like a Borscht!

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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07/23/10

I’m hooked on soft drinks. I have a coke can addiction.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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07/15/10

Women who have tattoos of drink containers are cute, because Thermos tats keep things hot!

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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07/07/10

To a vegetarian, meat is murder. But for a sandwich, meat is mortar.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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06/25/10

Too much cereal gives me my grains.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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06/05/10

Buttered scones can give you heart attacks. Keep eating them and you might need an angliopastry.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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05/22/10

Quality of pub food is measured by which instrument? A barroom eater

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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05/07/10

Tuscany is a slum! Everyone lives in chianti-towns. And I don’t mean to grape, but  in some French regions, all the houses are bordeauxed up. What a bunch of vine-os - the lowest of the Merlot!

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 2.50 out of 5)
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05/03/10

YOU GOTTA BE LEAVE

Dear Pun Gents, a pun about Clipper Teas. ~Ashley, Birmingham, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. You’re heading down a Clipper-y slurp.
  2. We’re potheads!
  3. So incredibly fantastic, you’ll think it was Fairy Trade
  4. In France, they baguette. In England, we bag it.
  5. We have steep pockets.
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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04/05/10

Gourmet burgers joints are popping up all over, thanks to the rise of the Hambourgeois.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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03/27/10

What do you call the study of torch-wielding midgets? Gas-throw-gnomy.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (4 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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03/19/10

Do citrus farmers drive around in lime-oozings?

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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03/16/10

CAKE PANDEMONIUM

Dear Pun Gents, Heidi from cloud control is in business as a cake racketeer, what should her slogan be? ~Emma, Melbourne

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Pastry de resistance
  2. Bucake
  3. I’m a cakey muthaf******
  4. Let them cake meet!
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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03/14/10

Drinking Japanese beer makes me Sapporific.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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03/07/10

If a fish and chips shack burns down, the insurance company won’t help, as they don’t cover snacks of cod.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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02/23/10

The man with pickle breath lived in a very dill adapted house, near Ogorki Park. He grew pink cornichons in his garden.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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02/21/10

For those trying to give up salty snacks for Lent, I say beer nut afraid.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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02/01/10

I was charged $200 for dinner last night. I think I got plate.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (4 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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01/27/10

Anyone who doesn’t like Pepsi is a Coke-sucker.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (7 votes, average: 4.86 out of 5)
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01/26/10

At the United Nations Conference on Poultry in Pecking, China, several accords were discussed, including a complicated capon-trade system. But as the cluck was winding down on the agreement, many nations cried fowl, arguing that capon-trade would only lead to more hen-some profits for agribusinesses, and real progress would be nothing but chicken feed. In order to lay down their yolks, developing nations staged a coop! Their leader made a speech, saying “When all people, white and dark, meat, there is hope.” This democratic gesture inspired everyone, even nations whose broil kings were in attendance. But the cynical members of the global press downplayed the developments,  just drank a lot of Wild Turkey and got totally basted.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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01/22/10

SLICE-ZY BEHAVIOR

Dear Pun Gents, need a pun on a cake auction. ~Kelly, Chiefland, FL

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Congratulations, you’ve just won a brand new carb!
  2. When I see cake, icing for joy.
  3. Flantastic Voyage
  4. Give Piece a Chance
  5. Jack Frosting
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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01/21/10

WAIT… BEER ME OUT!

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun to ask a friend to buy beer or alcohol. ~Joey, Redlands, CA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Ale be forever grateful.
  2. Don’t make me go boozerk.
  3. Wine not?
  4. Vodka I do for you?
  5. It’s not going tequila-ya
  6. Can I ask you a martini tiny favour?
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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01/16/10

The second richest man in the world hates restaurants , and has even declared a war on buffets.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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01/12/10

I began owning up to my flatulence, after eating a frank-farter.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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12/22/09

I have a weakness for Japanese soup. Guess that makes me a misochist.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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12/19/09

Why should you never add seasoning to Ethiopian food?

Because that would just add-in salt to injera.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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12/03/09

I’m having a Lord of the Rings dinner party! We’re having Hamwise-Sandwichees, with a side of Frodo salad, followed by frog Legolas and Aragorn on the cob. Dessert will be a bowl of mango Saruman and a vodka Gimli.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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10/28/09

What do vegetarian zombies scream for?

“GRAINS!”

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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10/26/09

Do baristas listen to frappe music?

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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08/25/09

Why do vegetarians have no sense of humour?

Because they are irony deficient!

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (5 votes, average: 4.60 out of 5)
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08/14/09

NED: In Shakepeare’s Merchant of Venison, Shylock offers to sell Antonio a pound of flesh.
ED: Oh deer.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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08/11/09

When it comes to meat-eating, I enjoy venison, but I absolutely love faundue!

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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08/03/09

Do hip ‘eaus drink Perrier?

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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07/31/09

The sales of peanut butter cups have plummeted during this reesecession.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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07/16/09

Indian restaurants suffer from much vindalooism.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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07/02/09

How do you pay for a hot dog in Geneva? With a Swiss frank.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (4 votes, average: 2.75 out of 5)
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06/01/09

The Scandinavian cook went to the store and brought some Stockholm to Sweden the pot.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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05/05/09

I only eat spoiled foods. I’m on a microbe biotic diet.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (5 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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04/15/09

NED: Eating yogurt gives me pornographic hallucinations.
ED: Really?
NED: Yeah. I think it’s the acidophallus.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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03/28/09

Which celebrity microwaves his hotdogs?

Frank Zappa.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (11 votes, average: 4.91 out of 5)
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03/22/09

Gummy worms taste too Wrigley

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)
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03/19/09

I love coffee, but only instant coffee. I’m like a bodumless pit.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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03/07/09

Hot dogs are a violent food. Anyone who eats them promotes warm mongreling.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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02/26/09

I quit drinking hard liquor and joined with my brothers at AA. Together we are kin dread spirits.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (5 votes, average: 4.40 out of 5)
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02/08/09

Being Scottish is an addiction. It’s quite haggis-forming.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)
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02/07/09

I didn’t want to fetch a sandwich for my boss, but I was forced into sub mission.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (12 votes, average: 4.42 out of 5)
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02/03/09

When I mistook the piece of crap for the sausage, my day immediately took a turd for the wurst.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (6 votes, average: 4.17 out of 5)
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