Female court jesters in the Middle Ages often suffered from minstrel cramps.

Did Franklin Roosevelt smell? No, that was The odor.

If the Titanic had been called the Titanus it never would have been penetrated. Instead it was doom to sphinct, and all onboard the ship were tossed from the rear. The captain in particular insisted on going down. [Speaking of Titanic, did you hear Spiel Berg is talking about a sequel?]

I met a homeless prostitute during WWI. She was known as The Grate Whore.

Was the Reign of Terror peaceful? It was a blood-loss revolution, after all.

Mime Camp: Hitler’s book about his struggles in training as a performance artist.

The Italian fascist dictator was a trivia expert: Benito Miscellany.

In ancient Rome, prostitution wasn’t unusual. It was a whore-denarii sight.

The biggest critics of the Roman Empire? The censurions.

Until Pythagoras was able to formulate his famous theorem about 90-degree-angle triangles, he considered himself a failed righter.

When reporters asked Pierre Trudeau if his carpet would ever match his drapes, he replied “Just swatch me!”

What did Columbus say when landing his ship among the Indians?

“Ahoy there, Metis!”

Soviet cannibals preferred dining on Germans. Because they were total-eat-Aryans.

Sixteenth century musicians were often guilty of lute behaviour. And any who denied it was considered a lyre.

Which dynasty of kings believed in sprawl?

The House of Burbin’. [As for the Tooters, they were known for breaking Windsor.]

What ever happened to the Roman governor of Judea?

He got depressed, went broke, and became known as Pawn-shit Pilate .

I can never remember if all of Louis XVI’s relatives were guillotined too. Let’s not split heirs.

Apples were very expensive in ancient Rome. Worst of all in Pomme-pay.

When Anne went Boleyn, she used her head and had a ball.

Did Henry Ford usher in the Auto-man empire?

The worst ecological disaster in Chinese history was perpetrated after a wild night at a strip club, when Communist Party officials misheard their drunken President eagerly calling for “Three Gorgeous Dames!”

Which Nazi loved Michael Jordan?

Joseph Goebbels. He loved it when things were Goering well for the Chicago squad, and especially when MJ would achieve Luftwaffe and Reich up the points. For the fans, it was beyond their wildest iMaginotion. It was Panzermonium.

During Prohibition did mice visit squeakeasies?

Ancient goat-plays were satyrical. They were univerally Panned.

The embattled Russian emperor was thrown into a ditch. Upon being pulled out, he remarked, “I am not a fan of Czar chasm.”

Ancient Egyptian mummifiers practised poor hygiene. Unfortunately they didn’t have time to clean out the mummies’ bowels, before the bodies were in turd.

Holocaust denier Ernst Zundel loves baseball. His favourite position is designated Hitler.

Malcom X was unfraid to fart among white people. He simply threw Caucasian to the wind.

The Crusaders weren’t into raping and pillaging, but they were into papin’ and religion.

Teflon has been around since ancient times. For example, the Gnostics.

Little known fact: the Mongol dictator had a stuttering problem. They called him Again-ghis Khan.

If Nostradamus was a superhero, would he have had a psychic?

When the Europeans arrived, the Indians owned all the land in North America. Amass acre was inevitable.

In times Roman, if a child was not brought to the baptismal font, all helvetica broke loose.

Sex toys go back thousands of years, even into the Mesoamericas. They were never at a loss for anal wands during the Ass tech empire.

The Norman king drove the Anglo-Saxons crazy at the Battle of Hastings. He was known as William the Bonkerer.

Alternate title for Homer’s Iliad?

Of Mycenaean Men.

The Trojan War was awful and dirty. It was Helen Earth.

Dictator Idi Amin was accused of cannibalism. His was a totaleatarian regime, after all.

Which Transylvanian despot had a reputation for swallowing midgets?

Vlad the Imp-inhaler.

Oozing with mystery, the Ancient Greeks were Minoan for their seCrete societies.

The Ancient Egyptians were very scientific in all matters. In fact they even quantified their sexual enjoyment, by keeping track of Pharoah-moan production.

Last words of the Titanic captain?

‘Holey Ship!’

War crimes scandal: everyone knows how Slobodan Milosevic was recently found dead in his prison cell in Geneva. Less well known is that rapper Vanilla Ice has also been charged - with rhymes against humanity.

After Lincoln was shot, he was made fun of by punsters. He was a victim of
a sassin’ .

Which medieval scourge pre-dated spam?

Chainmail letters.

True or false: Marc O’Polo was Irish.

Which assassin farted in a crowded theatre box?

John Wilts Booth.

What did the captain of the Titanic say after hitting the iceberg?

“This doesn’t boat well.”