I used to live in a tarp; that was the ex-tent of my  housing.

I got kicked out of my yacht. It doesn’t boat dwell.

I said to an Evangelical friend with a leaky roof, “I have a problem with Je-hoval’s wetnesses!’

I don’t usually water my grass in the morning, but I guess I’m lawn over dew.

The Sub-Rhyme Crisis of 2007 was caused by bad poetry.

The cutest housing accessory? It’s absolutely a door bell.

Dear Pun Gents, puns about rugs. ~McKayla, Fayetteville, TN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Whenever I get home I am immediately on rugs.
2. Don’t ruin a rug. That’s carpetal punishment.

Dear Pun Gents, I am setting up a residential lettings agency and would like a memorable business name. Help! ~Mitzy, London, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. EasyLease
2. Prop Hotty
3. Rent & Simply [Ren & Stimpy]
4. Live and Let
5. The Live and Let Guys
6. Doctor House
7. Maison D’Etre
8. Anacondo

Dear Pun Gents, we need a beach house name in Kure (pronounced ‘curry’) Beach, North Carolina. Owners in medical field, house aqua-colored. Looking for something clever but not pretentious or dirty.  ”A Shore Cure” or Seas the Day? Can’t we do better? ~Carrie, Raleigh, NC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Don’t Kure, Beach Happy
2. Carolina on the Beach
3. Sun Thing Special
4. Kure Patience
5. Aquazy House
6. Sand from Heaven
7. Smile and Wave
8. Kure-B Your Enthusiasm
9. Perfect Tans
10. Tidyllic
11. Tidal Pleasures

I can’t help but stare at large mansions, especially since my wife always tells me to watch my manors.

The man with pickle breath lived in a very dill adapted house, near Ogorki Park. He grew pink cornichons in his garden.

The uncleaned spaces between my bathroom tiles aren’t merely disgusting; they’re groutesque.

Bedouin nomads are known for their rooflessness.

People with mortgages should abandon traditional medicine, and follow the advice of a home owe path.

Why can’t J-Lo complete the purchase of her house?

Cuz she’s always in ass-grow.

If you want to build a barn, first check your shedule. If you’re too stressed out to do it properly, you may have a hut attack.

My girlfriend teased me about building a mansion in the French Alps. I replied, “Stop it - you’re asking for a Massif erection!”

My friend is a bigot - he thinks all people with mortgages are home owes. “All they do escrow each other,” he said. “You should know,” was my rebuttal, “You work for Ream-Max!”

Teepees threaten to proliferate, in this age of global wamming.

NED: I have a knocker on my house door.
ED: Really. You have a knocker.
NED: Does that impress you?
ED: Yes. You deserve the No Bell prize.

Spraypaint on a wall goes against my mural code.

Do Spanish homeowners prefer Joaquin closets?

Funny, that J-Lo - she insists that her houses be insulated with ass-best-os!

Hear about the new gardening equipment manufactured by Black and Decker?

It’s cutting hedge!