Wheat farmers always play the lottery. They want to win now.

The second richest man in the world hates restaurants , and has even declared a war on buffets.

With the high cost of hair-loss treatments, it’s not just hairlines that are receipting.

They just raised the tariff for taking a taxi. It’s just not fare!

When they arrested the white-collar criminal he had to be fiscally restrained.

Korean bankers of late have a very won appearance.

Rural America is being asked to bale out Wall Street. Most Americans don’t understand the crisis, so it had to be explained to them in Lehman’s terms. The bulls have lost; how quickly the Bears Sterns! The bank CEOs have been advised to keep off the streets, lest they be Merrilly Lynched.

Debtors tend to be quite shall-owe people.

If you’re in Britain and need money, don’t ask an aquarium. They may lend you a few squid, but be careful: they’re sharks! You’re better off asking a crusty Asian, who doesn’t have mussel to back himself up.

Sex and money talk in the Indian music world, where the rock stars are often surrounded by screaming rupees, looking for a paisa the action. And ten thousand rupees certainly indicates a lak of it.

In fairy tale-land, if you cross a bridge, you have to pay the troll.

How do proctologists figure out how much to bill their clients?

Fecalculators.

Colon cleansing is expensive. If you do it often, you’ll end up in the poo-er hose.

The manager who couldn’t afford new pens obviously didn’t have a Bic budget.

When geometers get a loan, do they need a cosiner?

Pubic-hair wigs are traded on the merkin-tile exchange, but I think it’s just a front for the muffia.

After the Tuberculosis Society held a lavish fundraising banquet, their coughers were quite full.

The inventor of any cow-measuring device will receive size a bull royalties.

My cat is so happy that I invested in stocks on his behalf. And believe me, the feline is mutual!

NED: My lawyer works for me, pro bono…
ED: Really!? Why, that’s fee-nominal!

Is Billy Idol satanic?

Yes - Mony is the root of all evil