If the Titanic had been called the Titanus it never would have been penetrated. Instead it was doom to sphinct, and all onboard the ship were tossed from the rear. The captain in particular insisted on going down. [Speaking of Titanic, did you hear Spiel Berg is talking about a sequel?]

Disney made a movie about a man who lit his farts. They called it Butane and the Beast.

I broke my leg dancing. My new nickname is Saturday Night Femur.

Now for a very special series: Our STI movie night! Caught on the big screen*, in HPV-D!

Featuring:

• Warts of the World
• Extraordinary Pimples
• Gonorrhea in 60 Seconds, starring V.Diesel (an infectious horror show!)
• Schindler’s Syphilist
• Pus in Booty
• The Quickie and The Dead
• Sleeping with the Emnity
• Star Whores Episode II: Attack of the Colons
  

Followed by a live performance of wandering menstruals!

*or catch it virally on YouTube

Bruce Lee was meant to be the greatest. It was man of fist destiny.

Pixar’s next movie will be about Russian aristocratic succession.

The Rocky movies may be corny, but I don’t mind. I guess I like machismo than you do.

Which film director is an avid fisherman?

Baz Luhrmann.

Dwarf actors are hard to find, so for ‘little people’ roles Hollywood is increasingly relying on ‘midgetally enhanced’ performers.

When the action star attacked the villains in their Astro, there was a lot of van dammage.

When the action star attacked the Astro, there was a lot of van dammage.

Hear about the porno sequel to Disney’s Aladdin?

I’d Ream A Genie

Hear about that high-tech thriller, about a submarine crew that gets lost at sea due to extreme computer failure? It’s called DOS Boot. As the movie unfolds it’s clear that the vessel’s discipline was lax: not a mouse was stirring while some key bored personnel were in the washroom taking a FTP. The submarine was suddenly swamped by torrents of WAVs, and couldn’t make it to the dock. Windows were stupidly left open, resulting in an impossible Turing radius as they were overwhelmed by the C. It was a Unix situation, and as they twirled out into the ethernet the captain radioed the nearest B-52 Flying Fortran for help. “This hertz, Mac,” he cried. “It megahertz! I need a pier-to-pier transfer.” But due to BASIC errors and faulty navigation they could not find anchor, and crashed, leaving no possibility for a SQL.

In Macauley Culkin’s latest film, Home Loan: everyone know which villains are at default. There’s a celebration for Wall Street bankers, and they catch the bad guys at a subprime party.

Which Harry Potter character divorced his wife? Hag rid.

Which actor liked beefcakes?
Clark Gay Bull.

Did you hear about the remake of the classic Star Wars film? It was set inside the Drug Enforcement Administration, and it was called The Hemp Pyre: Strike Match.

Locutus suffered from excess flatulation after feasting on the s’more gas Borg.

The current sub-prime mortgage crisis recalls that great comedy film, ie Home A Loan.

Barber Sweeney Todd never killed anyone. Those are just vicious groomers.

Anime films are universally Japanned by critics.

Kremlins are a threat to demogwaicy

Which actor gave the most grateful Oscar acceptance speech?

T.Hanks.

Midget horror movies are rarely grew-some.

Before live-action pornography was legalized, XXX videos were shot exclusively in Playmation.

When our office network goes down, look out - it’s like Silence of the LANs.

Horror movies make me screamish.

Did you hear about the dyslexic gambler who was addicted to Jack Black movies?

They’re making a sequel to Braveheart, where William Wallace invents the famous Scottish kilt. The film’s working title is Gonad with the Wind.

I regretted my sex change after watching Trans formers.

Did the film Reefer Madness have a tokin’ black guy?

Movie trivia: in the upcoming sequelThere’s Something Extra About Mary, Ben Stiller comes across Cameron Diaz’s character, turning her into a sperm-afro-dite.

They made a movie about two noisy pigeon-hating roosters who went to White Castle: Herald-din Coo-mar.

Who wore deerskin coats?

Daddy Wore bucks.

Even though there’s pussy galore, many men prefer to roger moore and pierce brosnan. It part of the bondage thing.

The renegade Star Wars pilot lived a bachelor’s life, without a wife or girlfriend. They called him Hand Solo. Occasionally he would chew ‘bacco.

Only one of the Three Stooges was quoted in the Bible. It was always ‘Mo sez’ this and ‘Mo sez’ that.

The documentary about terrorists who flew a plane into a high school?

Boeing for Columbine.

Jesus barely passed his high school chemistry exams. They made a movie of it: The Last Titration of Christ. He was tested by the devil.

The film about the time composer Johann Sebastian so desperately needed money, he prostituted himself?

Broke Bach Mountin’.

Hannibal Lecter wore an Indian man’s skin as clothes. He especially liked his Kashmir sweater.

Which great Western movie was about a pun contest?

High Noun.

For her role in kidnapping the 101 spotted dogs, Cruella De Ville was sentenced to the fires of eternal dalmation.

What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when Dorothy spilled beer on her?

“I’m malting!…. I’m malting!“

Like movies about the Old Testament?

Three words: I ‘Heart’ Maccabees!

Who is Lord of the Rings?

Rocky Bilboa!

What Yoda said when Jerry Maguire told him a joke:

“Shows me the pun, he.”