If the group included a garbage man, they would have been the Swillage People. Their music was trashy anyway.

Justin Timberlake’s concerts feature everything but the kitsch ‘N Sync.

I’m going on a hip-hop vacation. I have tupac fa’ sure.  But my suitcase is notoriously B.I.G. - it’s so Puffy! I better rap it up and Run to the DMV to get my car.

“Hithee hither!”: proof that Michael Jackson’s “Beat it”, when translated into Olde English, is a recipe for indiscriminate violence against both sexes.

Explaining how to write music is always a draw note conversation. It may treble you, so I’ll stick to bassics.

So many music stores are going out of business—because they are in the CD part of town.

Hear about the conductor who got in trouble for slapping a woman’s bass at a party? He was flouting etiquette, acting like a bassoon, so she cried, “Oboe you don’t! I’m not your sax partner!”

John Lennon was hungry, but he wouldn’t give pies a chance. He insisted on having a yellow submarine. Paul just said ‘Let it Brie.’

John was hungry, but he wouldn't give pies a chance. He wanted a yellow submarine.

People aren’t happy with music DRM laws against CD ripping and burning. There is a lot of disc content.

I could never have predicted the success of Geddy Lee and Rush. But then again, I’m no progrocksticator.

Sixteenth century musicians were often guilty of lute behaviour. And any who denied it was considered a lyre.

I won’t play music for my friend Monica. I don’t want to harm Monica.

When the New Kids were finally able to grow their ’soul patches’, they wrote a song about it: “Hangin’ Tuft.”

How would you describe most songs about farts?

Quite smell odious.

The phoneticist went on American Idol, but was booed off the stage on account of his lisp. Afterward this linguist was upset, saying “I can’t believe they dipthed my thong!”

Most South Asian dance music originates from Bhangradesh.

What song did Tom Jones write after misplacing his pet ungulate’s testicles?

“It’s Not a Gnu Jewel.”

Listening to U2 in church gives me a mass-ive Bono.

After Ravi Shankar was seriously burned in a fire, he had to get numerous skin grafts from a caucasian donor. After the tragedy he decided to take up singeing, and he was thereafter better known as “Apache Indian“.

Sex and money talk in the Indian music world, where the rock stars are often surrounded by screaming rupees, looking for a paisa the action. And ten thousand rupees certainly indicates a lak of it.

Sounds effects pioneer Thomas Dolby graduated from university magna cum loud.

What is a Quaker truck driver’s favourite band?

Hall and Oates.

Forget Christmas carols. It’s time to perform Johann’s arias, because today is Bach sing day.

Only when the entire planet makes jokes about Billy Idol, will there be har mony.

The lead singer of R.E.M. became a professional paid hit man. He would kill people for a moderate Stipe-end.

People who sing off-key in the shower should be nerve-gassed. Only that will help the sarin-aid.

Only old people watch the Grammy Awards.

There are a lot of belles at the pealer bar. You’ll always have a good chime.

The blind jazz singer had pimples. Does noticing that make me Ray cyst?

I hate disco - it gives me the heeby Bee-Gees!

Note to late-night partyers: If you crank the amps, you risk a fine. It will cost an arm and a leg.

Boy George has tried out to replace Steve Irwin. He can’t wrestle crocodiles, but he can calm a chameleon.

The age of religious factionalism is not over. In the news these days, Snoop Dogg is responsible for the Great Shizzum.

John liked donkey patties, but Paul did not. The Beatles suffered from “ass burgers syndrome“, and one reason for their break-up was their autistic differences.

At first John Lennon refused to perform jingles for fast food ads, but then he decided to give pizza chants.

Did you know about P. Diddy’s record? He spent a few years in J-Lo. Then he left, because he didn’t want to be friends with Bennifers.

Did The Doors hold jamb sessions?

what does a bug sound like hitting the windshield?

Bee flat.

Some people think that hiphop artists are more prone to sexual assaults, but I think that’s rapist.

What do you call a midget rapper?

The human G-gnome!

ESL students enjoy the Baroque melodies of TOEFLmusik.

The nerdiest rock band ever?

Deep Urkel.

Eminem came on stage and the audience was rapped.

A famous composer was also a cyclist. But he refused to ride his new bach, because of the handel bars. So he took it back to the chopin began to rattle off a lizst of complaints. “Grrr… Schwinns,” he cried. But the store owner didn’t understand his unwillingness to ride. ‘Hey, it’s beets hooven‘ he said, ‘especially if you’re bizet! I was hoofin’ the other day, and got gum on my schubert!’ Riding is certainly better than taking de bussy; except if your bike is too heavy. This fellow’s ride weighed 20 kilobrahms! He took a ride by a painter’s castle once and admired the moat’s art. But some half-German, half-Russian idiot almost ran him over - what a scheisskopfsky! The composer fell headlong into a dog turd: a wipeout of operatic proportions - it was poo-chinny! He almost baroque his face, and was so shamed he went into haydn. Lessons learned? Cycling is a taste one must a choir. But if you decide to give up halfway through a ride, de bussy now comes with a bike-rachmaninoff!

If I were a tree, I wood like poplar music. Especially Spruce Sprigsteen. Or Johnny Cash’s Balsam Prison Blues.

MidEast rappers? The legendary MC Hamir sang ‘Too Legit Tikrit‘.

In Russia, militant fans of punk music walk around with Clashnikovs. Their enemies fight back with Sex Pistols. At the end of the battle there are loud Ramones of pain. And blood is Ozzying from everywhere.

Many professional sculptors complain of extreme pain when listening to Clay Aiken.

Mozart thought he was God. Whenever someone asked his name, he said “I am a deus.”