Sounds effects pioneer Thomas Dolby graduated from university magna cum loud.

What is a Quaker truck driver’s favourite band?

Hall and Oates.

Forget Christmas carols. It’s time to perform Johann’s arias, because today is Bach sing day.

Only when the entire planet makes jokes about Billy Idol, will there be har mony.

The lead singer of R.E.M. became a professional paid hit man. He would kill people for a moderate Stipe-end.

People who sing off-key in the shower should be nerve-gassed. Only that will help the sarin-aid.

Only old people watch the Grammy Awards.

There are a lot of belles at the pealer bar. You’ll always have a good chime.

The blind jazz singer had pimples. Does noticing that make me Ray cyst?

I hate disco - it gives me the heeby Bee-Gees!

Note to late-night partyers: If you crank the amps, you risk a fine. It will cost an arm and a leg.

Boy George has tried out to replace Steve Irwin. He can’t wrestle crocodiles, but he can calm a chameleon.

The age of religious factionalism is not over. In the news these days, Snoop Dogg is responsible for the Great Shizzum.

John liked donkey patties, but Paul did not. The Beatles suffered from “ass burgers syndrome“, and one reason for their break-up was their autistic differences.

At first John Lennon refused to perform jingles for fast food ads, but then he decided to give pizza chants.

Did you know about P. Diddy’s record? He spent a few years in J-Lo. Then he left, because he didn’t want to be friends with Bennifers.

Did The Doors hold jamb sessions?

what does a bug sound like hitting the windshield?

Bee flat.

Some people think that hiphop artists are more prone to sexual assaults, but I think that’s rapist.

What do you call a midget rapper?

The human G-gnome!

ESL students enjoy the Baroque melodies of TOEFLmusik.

The nerdiest rock band ever?

Deep Urkel.

Eminem came on stage and the audience was rapped.

A famous composer was also a cyclist. But he refused to ride his new bach, because of the handel bars. So he took it back to the chopin began to rattle off a lizst of complaints. “Grrr… Schwinns,” he cried. But the store owner didn’t understand his unwillingness to ride. ‘Hey, it’s beets hooven‘ he said, ‘especially if you’re bizet! I was hoofin’ the other day, and got gum on my schubert!’ Riding is certainly better than taking de bussy; except if your bike is too heavy. This fellow’s ride weighed 20 kilobrahms! He took a ride by a painter’s castle once and admired the moat’s art. But some half-German, half-Russian idiot almost ran him over - what a scheisskopfsky! The composer fell headlong into a dog turd: a wipeout of operatic proportions - it was poo-chinny! He almost baroque his face, and was so shamed he went into haydn. Lessons learned? Cycling is a taste one must a choir. But if you decide to give up halfway through a ride, de bussy now comes with a bike-rachmaninoff!

If I were a tree, I wood like poplar music. Especially Spruce Sprigsteen. Or Johnny Cash’s Balsam Prison Blues.

MidEast rappers? The legendary MC Hamir sang ‘Too Legit Tikrit‘.

In Russia, militant fans of punk music walk around with Clashnikovs. Their enemies fight back with Sex Pistols. At the end of the battle there are loud Ramones of pain. And blood is Ozzying from everywhere.

Many professional sculptors complain of extreme pain when listening to Clay Aiken.

Mozart thought he was God. Whenever someone asked his name, he said “I am a deus.”

What’s a homeless musician’s favourite instrument?

‘obo.

Michael, Jermaine, Marlon, Tito and Randy were so horny. They should have been renamed the Klaxon 5.

War crimes scandal: everyone knows how Slobodan Milosevic was recently found dead in his prison cell in Geneva. Less well known is that rapper Vanilla Ice has also been charged - with rhymes against humanity.

Hear the midget rap song about platform shoes?

‘Don’t Believe the Height’.!

What’s a Scotsman’s favourite Ricky Martin song?

She Baangs

The mobster had a piano dropped on his head. That’s what happens with organized crime.

The film about the time composer Johann Sebastian so desperately needed money, he prostituted himself?

Broke Bach Mountin’.

Do orchestra musicians dine alone?

No - it’s always a table for tuba!

Music pun: Loudon Wainwright III’s car comes with a son Rufus.

What the maestro said when the orchestra player sneezed: “Bassoonteit!”

Do violinists sleep around?

Yes, they straddle various.

What’s Phil Knight’s favourite music?

Sole.

Michael Jackson thought he was Jesus. One day he even gave the Sermon on the Mount. And it was known as the Beat-it-udes.

Judge: “The defendant is accused of selling bootlegged copies of ‘Mony Mony’…”

Lawyer: “I object, your honour, this is Idol speculation!”

What’s a chicken’s favourite composer?

Johann Sebastian Bach Bach Bach!

When the thief took off from the church with all the songbooks, the parishioners cried “Get hymn! He stole psalm-sing!”

Is Billy Idol satanic?

Yes - Mony is the root of all evil

Man cannot live on bread alone?

Nonsense!

As the Beatles famously sang, ‘All You Need Is Loaf’.

Which rocker is famous for his sugary ballads? Bon-bon Jovi