You can get never get a straight answer from an oceanographer. They just say, “it deepens.”

Loggers often have back problems. Usually in their lumbar area.

If Jesus had been a chiropractor, would there have been millions of disc I pulls?

How does a short-order cook wish you good luck?

“Break an egg!”

Optometry is a competitive field. Many practitioners feel pressured to take stareoids.

The corn farmer was so cheap. Everyone called him a maizer.

Do data miners work at the query?

Do Japanese fisherman write hook-u poems? Do MENSA members write high-IQs? Do doves write high-coos?

If the group included a garbage man, they would have been the Swillage People. Their music was trashy anyway.

The motivational speaker was fired for causing too much strive in the workplace.

Wheat farmers always play the lottery. They want to win now.

Bricklayers have a mortar complex.

Wigmakers are always putting on hairs.

For an archer, opportunity nocks.

The gigolo became a horologist because he liked big clocks.

Latest request: Shakespeare-themed wedding puns!

Do professional speechwriters have to fill out a lot of rant applications?

Carpenters enjoy showering. They work up a good lather.

Fashion designers are chic magnets.

Do duck hunters use call wading? If so, do authors use call foreword? And do sports broadcasters use called his play?

Do baristas listen to frappe music?

Mapmakers are sure to get into heaven. They will have no trouble reaching the Perly gates.

Handbag thiefs require great purse-pick-acity.

Graffiti artists have high standards, and believe in setting bench marks.

Plumbers have a multi-fauceted personality.

Torturers like office work. Especially the regular metings.

Why do project managers always appear so Gantt?

Do wrestlers have good pinmanship?

Cryptographers like to sleep around, always cracking coeds.

The toreador must do all he can to defeat his nemesis. It’s his cat-a-gore-a-bull imperative.

NED: I don’t get along with bakers.
ED: Really.
NED: Let’s just say, there’s no loaf lost between us.

Which famous animal behoofiourist mooonlighted as a cowhide tanner?

BF Skinner.

The Portland undertaker’s society started a new periodical, called the Maggot Zine. It features weekly new fleshes. Apparently their readership is very dessicated. Since the Zine is free, they rely heavily on their Oregon donors.

Matador: to install a door mat.

Shamans are always embarrassing themselves.

Cell biologists are afraid of falling into debt. They’re might-owe-chondriacs.

Do chimney sweeps wear soots to work?

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When it comes to cheeses, demolition experts don’t like cheddar; they prefer de brie.

When they arrested the white-collar criminal he had to be fiscally restrained.

The lawyer who got into cattle breeding put in many build-a-bull hours.

Tightrope walkers have to be well taut.

Do mechanics wear cargo pants?

Light bulb designers aren’t too bright. You always have to filament.

They found a new way to kill pirates:

Gas them with argon.

Sailors only care about themselves. It’s always “Aye, Aye, Aye.”

Invest in pottery: you’ll make a kiln.

Pharmacists are pillers of the community.

Dentists are so primal. They’re in touch with their inner enamel.

Wood you consider lumberjacks to be hew man beings? It’s a difficult question, but I have to axe.

Optometrists watch a lot of tell a vision.