The motivational speaker was fired for causing too much strive in the workplace.

Wheat farmers always play the lottery. They want to win now.

Bricklayers have a mortar complex.

Wigmakers are always putting on hairs.

For an archer, opportunity nocks.

The gigolo became a horologist because he liked big clocks.

Latest request: Shakespeare-themed wedding puns!

Do professional speechwriters have to fill out a lot of rant applications?

Carpenters enjoy showering. They work up a good lather.

Fashion designers are chic magnets.

Do duck hunters use call wading? If so, do authors use call foreword? And do sports broadcasters use called his play?

Do baristas listen to frappe music?

Mapmakers are sure to get into heaven. They will have no trouble reaching the Perly gates.

Handbag thiefs require great purse-pick-acity.

Graffiti artists have high standards, and believe in setting bench marks.

Plumbers have a multi-fauceted personality.

Torturers like office work. Especially the regular metings.

Why do project managers always appear so Gantt?

Do wrestlers have good pinmanship?

Cryptographers like to sleep around, always cracking coeds.

The toreador must do all he can to defeat his nemesis. It’s his cat-a-gore-a-bull imperative.

NED: I don’t get along with bakers.
ED: Really.
NED: Let’s just say, there’s no loaf lost between us.

Which famous animal behoofiourist mooonlighted as a cowhide tanner?

BF Skinner.

The Portland undertaker’s society started a new periodical, called the Maggot Zine. It features weekly new fleshes. Apparently their readership is very dessicated. Since the Zine is free, they rely heavily on their Oregon donors.

Matador: to install a door mat.

Shamans are always embarrassing themselves.

Cell biologists are afraid of falling into debt. They’re might-owe-chondriacs.

Do chimney sweeps wear soots to work?

Wordpress logo

Breaking Gnus: The Pun Gents have updated Pun of the Day to the more powerful Wordpress software!

You can now rate every pun, and a list of the top rated puns shows up on the sidebar to the right.

Commenting is now easier and more powerful. You can easily search for puns by keyword, category, or tag.

We hope you like the new layout; please report any bugs to pungents@pungents.com. Stay tuned for more!

When it comes to cheeses, demolition experts don’t like cheddar; they prefer de brie.

When they arrested the white-collar criminal he had to be fiscally restrained.

The lawyer who got into cattle breeding put in many build-a-bull hours.

Tightrope walkers have to be well taut.

Do mechanics wear cargo pants?

Light bulb designers aren’t too bright. You always have to filament.

They found a new way to kill pirates:

Gas them with argon.

Sailors only care about themselves. It’s always “Aye, Aye, Aye.”

Invest in pottery: you’ll make a kiln.

Pharmacists are pillers of the community.

Dentists are so primal. They’re in touch with their inner enamel.

Wood you consider lumberjacks to be hew man beings? It’s a difficult question, but I have to axe.

Optometrists watch a lot of tell a vision.

Why do carpenters have such large toolboxes?

Because they have to be awl-encompassing.

Do photographers enjoy each other’s company?

Yes, there is a lot of cameraderie.

How did the comedian entertain the audience full of doctors?

‘Open wide, and say ha!’

Why do prostitutes make good postal workers?

Because already they come equipped with male slots.

When in university, proctologists have a hard time making ends meet. Some even have to resort to prostate tuition.

What are the three most important things to consider when becoming a priest?

Vocation, vocation, vocation!

Hear about the executioner who preferred to work at night? He used gallow in the dark technology.

Hear about the dyslexic watchmaker who was ruined by the tocks market? That’s nothing compared to the horologist who spent all his money on prostitutes.

Midgets make the best size-smallogists. They detect smurfquakes.