Which famous animal behoofiourist mooonlighted as a cowhide tanner?

BF Skinner.

The Portland undertaker’s society started a new periodical, called the Maggot Zine. It features weekly new fleshes. Apparently their readership is very dessicated. Since the Zine is free, they rely heavily on their Oregon donors.

Matador: to install a door mat.

Shamans are always embarrassing themselves.

Cell biologists are afraid of falling into debt. They’re might-owe-chondriacs.

Do chimney sweeps wear soots to work?

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When it comes to cheeses, demolition experts don’t like cheddar; they prefer de brie.

When they arrested the white-collar criminal he had to be fiscally restrained.

The lawyer who got into cattle breeding put in many build-a-bull hours.

Tightrope walkers have to be well taut.

Do mechanics wear cargo pants?

Light bulb designers aren’t too bright. You always have to filament.

They found a new way to kill pirates:

Gas them with argon.

Sailors only care about themselves. It’s always “Aye, Aye, Aye.”

Invest in pottery: you’ll make a kiln.

Pharmacists are pillers of the community.

Dentists are so primal. They’re in touch with their inner enamel.

Wood you consider lumberjacks to be hew man beings? It’s a difficult question, but I have to axe.

Optometrists watch a lot of tell a vision.

Why do carpenters have such large toolboxes?

Because they have to be awl-encompassing.

Do photographers enjoy each other’s company?

Yes, there is a lot of cameraderie.

How did the comedian entertain the audience full of doctors?

‘Open wide, and say ha!’

Why do prostitutes make good postal workers?

Because already they come equipped with male slots.

When in university, proctologists have a hard time making ends meet. Some even have to resort to prostate tuition.

What are the three most important things to consider when becoming a priest?

Vocation, vocation, vocation!

Hear about the executioner who preferred to work at night? He used gallow in the dark technology.

Hear about the dyslexic watchmaker who was ruined by the tocks market? That’s nothing compared to the horologist who spent all his money on prostitutes.

Midgets make the best size-smallogists. They detect smurfquakes.

The leading cause of death among pathologists is coronerary heart attacks.

Do down and out actors end up on skit row?

Porn fluffers who don’t make it into the industry often go on to airline careers as fellate attendants.

Being a Starbucks barista is not a good job, but it’s their latte in life. It’s an espresso train to nowhere. It’s a foam pas. I don’t hold their work in a steam.

Hear about the dyslexic clairvoyant nurse who didn’t bother to charge for her services, because she could fee into the suture?

Hear about the hobbled gynecologist, who couldn’t walk anywhere without crotches?

I don’t trust doctors. They’re hippocrates!

Why do proctologists become proctologists?

They felt a colon at an early age.

Do optometrists clean their teeth?

Yes, it’s “eye flaws daily.”

I thought about abandoning my career as a welder, but decided to solder on.

The painter became a wrestler, because he wanted to lay the smock down.

The male RMT disliked his female clients. He was a massagynist.

The retired earthquake expert began a new career as a construction consultant specializing in large shopping centers. He was known as the world’s foremost sizemallogist.

Do parole officers suffer from constipulation?

Hear about the disgruntled septic tank cleaner who’s trying to find a plumber job?

When a magician bakes bread, he doesn’t wands it - he kneads it.

NED: Being a cremator is a lucrative business.
ED: How’s that?
NED: You urn a lot!

Do laser eye surgeons sleep around?

Yes - they are guilty of promise acuity.

Photographers don’t like puns. If you tell them one they tend to shutter.

Do incarcerated clowns get con-juggle visits?

Glassblowers are sadists. They keep inflicting pane.