Those who say they can’t stop don’t really know what’s pause-able.

Which Greek philosopher had a boob job? Epictetus.

When Sartre was forced to explain e-commerce to a cow, he remarked “Hell is udder Paypal.”

When Sartre was forced to watch marine mammals through a small hole, he remarked, “Hell is otter peephole.”

Is it true Aristotle invented the sperm bank? No, but he did popularize the silo jism.

Dear Pun Gents, something about man’s ignorance of nature. The plague of technology etc. ~Ashley, Sydney, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. We’re on a slippery slope, ie tech-knoll-ology.
2. Didn’t Stephen King write a horror novel called I.T.?
3. To protect myself from evil technology, iPadlocked my gate.
4. It’s Life is Beautiful, not Life is Boot-able.

Which Greek philosopher’s wife never shaved? Heraclitas.

Which Greek philosopher was great at football?

Soccerates [or was it Peléto?].

German intellectuals have often been accused of taking Goethe hormones.

An academic who studies satanism, aka a philucifer.

Blast from the past: Greek fraternity puns (and some cute little weird kids)!

When Nietzsche died his followers were in de nihil.

Six new Puns on Demand!
We’re so generous.

Nietzsche joined Facebook, and Thus Poked Zarathustra.

Before proving his own existence, Rene Descartes proved that Mexican food causes flatulence—with his less famous aphorism, “burrito, air go boom!”

Which philosopher was most concerned about mall opening and closing times?

Schopenhauer.

Philosophers often debate the nature of ‘golden shower‘ orgies, aka epistemology.

When they cloned the great communist philosopher, it was a re-Marxable achievement.

Some philosophies have strict guidelines, but adlibertarians are free to make things up.

Which logical relation helps you kick ass at video games?

Modus pwnens.

Teflon has been around since ancient times. For example, the Gnostics.

Taoism is total rubbish. It’s simply a LaoTze philosophy.

We were discussing what exactly made Skeletor evil. But then we gave up, because it was just arguing He-mantics.

Does the Czech capital embrace ideology?

Not at all - it’s a Prague-matic town.

Which firm demolishes houses in the simplest possible way?

Occam’s Razers.

Why did Socrates always keep his dough yeast-free until inspection?

Because the unexamined loaf is not worth leaven.