Gay porn is now recyclable. Waste not wanton nuts.

NED: St Patrick’s day is 10 months away. Should I work on my Irish accent?
ED: No, if it ain’t brogue, don’t fix it.

For an archer, opportunity nocks.

Onan is an island.

People who spout proverbs tend to be arrogant. But then, there’s plenty officious in the supercili

I got mugged in Switzerland, and I’ll never go back. Once Berned, twice shy.

As scholars of dead languages, we want to have archaic and eat it too.

Why is revenge a dish best served cold?

Because, it’s just ice.

A leper doesn’t change his spots.

When the pope ordered Catholics to follow his example and gird their loins, he was accused of robing ‘peter’ to pape all.

Pat and Rhain’s definiton of ‘bravery’: to throw an amphibian at a jungle cat. That person has truly toad the lion.

Hideous mutants rarely eat together. There is no such thing as a freak lunch.

NED: I believe Homeland Security depends on two things:
ED: What’s that?
NED: First, honouring our sheep, and second, constipating our pigeons.
ED: Really?
NED: Yes! Everyone knows that ewe-knighted we stand, while dove-voided we fall.

Viking motto: It takes a pillage to raze a child.

If you want to lose weight for your wedding, do it in the Spring. Because bride grows before the fall.

Hear that they found evidence of cannibalism in the city of Lima?

Why yes - the Peruvian is in the pudding!

Said Jesus to the crowd of plastic surgeons: “Jug not, lest ye be jugged!”

Are most cabbies dangerous drivers? Like the old saying goes - nothing’s certain but death in taxis.

Why do old donkeys rarely laugh?

Because a mule and his funny are soon parted!

Why are bovines well-behaved in pottery stores?

Because they are likable in a china shop!

Why is it filthy droids end up doing all the work?

Because a washed ‘bot never toils.

Is Billy Idol satanic?

Yes - Mony is the root of all evil

Man cannot live on bread alone?

Nonsense!

As the Beatles famously sang, ‘All You Need Is Loaf’.

What did the out-of-work doctor say?

“Patients is a virtue!”

Why did Laertes place tariffs on foreign bookcases?

Because Polonius advised him, “This above all else: to thine home shelf be true!“

What tragedy occurred when the discoverer of radium served her pet a caffeinated beverage meant for equines?

Curie horse-tea killed the cat.

Do dominatrixes always work in teams?

Yes - pervs of the leather flog together.

Why should you just defecate in your hands if you really have to go?

Because a turd in the hand is worth poo in the tush.

Why does it not matter when Germans scratch their butts?

Because ass-itch in time saves nein.

Why is this web site better than sex?

Because the pun is mightier than the ’s’-word.

Why does rubbing your hair with vinegar give you head lice?

Because he who acetates is loused.