What happens when you take out people’s eyes?

They cull eyed.

People who forget to replace light bulbs are rather dim-watted.

We wanted to make today’s pun about huit, but we 8 too much!

Are mannaquins bread for show?

Maybe, but manna-kins are all breadthren. (Nevetheless, it’s idollatry.)

Cheerleading spectacles are a lot of pom and circumstance.

I like to stand in lineups, looking at the queued girls.

I don’t mind lazy people. They speak my languid. So I am sloth to criticize.

Don’t knock lazy people. They are the most into-resting.

Window shopping may be fun, but shopping for windows is panes taking work.

The pothole problem is getting crater and crater.

I always lose track of time - on Whensday.

The bumbling mattress thief was cot unawares. He was in deep sheet. He sought comforter by downy some pillows. He refused to take responsibility for his actions; he tried to pass the boxspring. “Put your hammocks up in the air,” the police shouted, “resistance is futon.”

How did the illiterate tyrant sign his name?

‘X marks despot.’

Where does a German farmer keep his animal feed?

In the Barn Munch-hausen!

Why did the rich man run screaming from the luxury hotel?

Because - he was afraid of Hyatts!

Why do those with big noses like making out with their supervisors?

Because - they’re pro-boss-kiss!

During the government enumeration process, there was an old woman who kept handing out pie. She said, “It’s a treat for the census!”

Manhole covers sewer are grate!

Discarded animal entrails smell absolutely offal.

The story about the winged creatures was ok, but at one point it became quite ridiculous. When the storyteller got to the part where a bird ate a bunch of sausages, I knew it had taken a tern for the wurst.

Is the goddess of wisdom against all we stand for?

Yes, she’s an athena.

Was Picasso into wedgies?

Is it true that those who polish their own wood never catch veneereal disease?

How do you brooch the subject?

Stick a pin in their I!

Why should you never let a large computer file taste your sandwich?

Because it would take a thousand mega-bites!

Why was Blackbeard upset when he misplaced his jars of urine?

Because a pirate without p is irate.