The first Concorde failed to achieve its goal of doubling the speed of sound. The dejected aeronautics engineers were upset, saying, “I guess it’s Mach 2 basics.”

Which branch of study concerns the Communist movement?

Castrophysics.

During puberty, most quantum physicists were obsessed with observing Mrs. Higg’s bosom.

I was always fascinated by the metric system, thanks to my gram awe’s influence. At school I wasn’t like the rest of the kgs: I certainly wasn’t the litre, and the bullies just wouldn’t lb me alone. At home my dear nano couldn’t console me, nor could my friend Milli who centi me a deca cards to cheer me up. Eventually I cheered up, however, and the abuse didn’t last furlong.

Intensity of dog flatulence? Why, that’s measured by the Bowfart Wind Scale!

Grab a tea: what Isaac Newton did when he was thirsty.

Early hominids were always getting lost. Especially the ancient Meanderthals.

Hear about the chemist who couldn’t decide what to eat at a dim sum restaurant? As they laid plates before him, he sat there, studying the periodic table of aliments.

The Paleozoic era was even more computerized than today. Instead of kilobytes, they had trilobites.

Which branch of science is dedicated to launching midgets into space?

Astrognomy.

Which astronomer boasted of his conquests?

Galileo.

Cell biologists are afraid of falling into debt. They’re might-owe-chondriacs.

To make candlesticks from TNT, try nightly tallowing.

Microbes don’t have names—they prize their nanonymity.

How do astronomers make discoveries? By cosmosis.

The noisiest body of water is not a rushing rapid, but a plain old creek.

Until Pythagoras was able to formulate his famous theorem about 90-degree-angle triangles, he considered himself a failed righter.

Before proving his own existence, Rene Descartes proved that Mexican food causes flatulence—with his less famous aphorism, “burrito, air go boom!”

Early astronauts had it tough: they worked in Apollo-ing conditions.

Can a mathematician marry his cosin?

Cosecant!

If you go to CERN but you bring your own hadron collider, they’ll make you pay a quarkage fee.

Atkins dieters can’t carry water bottles, ie cargo hydrates.

Dentists are so primal. They’re in touch with their inner enamel.

NED: I’ve figured out a way to generate electricity—from sheep farts!
ED: Really? I never thought it could be done.
NED: Ass watt ewe stink!

Are atoms somewhat funny?
Yes, they’re part tickles!

Avocado’s Number: The amount of particles in a guaco mole.

Ophthalmology puns make me glassy eyed. I don’t like vitreous humor.

Louis Pasteur loved his cattle. When he was a professor he received his degree honor ‘is cowsa.

That potheads will always stay up to watch late-night comedy is known as the Law of Reefer-action, aka SNL’s law.

Screw the petriarchy - I’m having a test-tube baby!

My greatest sphere is that the Earth is round.

The asstronaut got lonely in space, so he entered Uranus by the dark side of the moon; butt he sure didn’t planet that way! In fact, his ship crapped out on him because of a bum engine, and that’s what really rectum. His ass-kicking feet entered the anals of history!

If laser beams are good for light work, then lazier beams are good for nothing.

When they cloned the great communist philosopher, it was a re-Marxable achievement.

Cows who produce rotten milk should be put out to pasteur.

What happens to light in prism?

It bends over.

Geometer punks love graph-iti.

When God made Eve, he split the Adam. And on the seventh day, he went fission.

I’m being set up with this girl who really loves the metric system. I can’t wait to metre!

There will be many more Italians on Earth, after the Human Gino-me Project.

p.s. The Gents are now proud to announce that you can subscribe to the Pun of the Day via email! Simply enter your email address in the box below, and our Pun of the Day will brighten up your morning!

Bible science: A mathematician swinging a donkey was refused entry on No Ass Arc.

Sterilizing food with urine is, unfortunately, a pees meal solution.

Studying quantum physics is so mysterious the physicists are like a religious brotherhood; in fact they must take a vow of science.

The speck of dust took another speck of dust to court, for reasons of tardiness. It was a particle-u-late matter.

Understanding quark flavours requires deep quantumplation.

Fondling your own clone is a perv version.

To determine the sex of your baby, ultrasound technicians use status-testical analysis.

p.s. Good luck to Pun Gent Pat, as he is winging his way down to sunny Austin, Texas to compete in the 30th annual O. Henry Pun-Off!

Which nationalist element reacts violently with all neighbouring elements?

Germanium.

Jesus often sucked on balloons. It was because they contained healium.