There will be many more Italians on Earth, after the Human Gino-me Project.

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Bible science: A mathematician swinging a donkey was refused entry on No Ass Arc.

Sterilizing food with urine is, unfortunately, a pees meal solution.

Studying quantum physics is so mysterious the physicists are like a religious brotherhood; in fact they must take a vow of science.

The speck of dust took another speck of dust to court, for reasons of tardiness. It was a particle-u-late matter.

Understanding quark flavours requires deep quantumplation.

Fondling your own clone is a perv version.

To determine the sex of your baby, ultrasound technicians use status-testical analysis.

p.s. Good luck to Pun Gent Pat, as he is winging his way down to sunny Austin, Texas to compete in the 30th annual O. Henry Pun-Off!

Which nationalist element reacts violently with all neighbouring elements?

Germanium.

Jesus often sucked on balloons. It was because they contained healium.

NED: I’ve got a shameful scientific confession.
ED: What’s that?
NED: Well, I’ve been dabbling in…
ED: What is it?
NED: Well, it’s reverse-life-cycle cloning…
ED: What??
NED: Yes. Reverse-life-cycle cloning. I can’t bear the guilt any more…
ED: For god’s sake, man - get an old of yourself!

Scientific research has become too consumer-driven. Entire disciplines have been compromised. Buyology is a good example.

Those who split the atom were true divisionaries.

Whenever a moon landing goes horribly wrong, NASA must apollogize.

Jesus barely passed his high school chemistry exams. They made a movie of it: The Last Titration of Christ. He was tested by the devil.

The fugitive chemist eluted justice for years. However, he eventually made mistakes that precipitated his arrest. It seems he had spent his fugitive years posing as a gay lawyer, but his partner was smarter than he was, and eventually turned the chemist in when he saw him on America’s Most Wanted. The chemist should never have slept with a homo genius.

The study of little person DNA figures prominently in the Human G-nome Project.

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

After being exposed to harmful radiation, I decided the join the Rockettes. It must have been the gam a’ raise.

When God made the solar system, how did He planet?

Hear about the clone who couldn’t function without his morning copy?

The Ancient Egyptians were very scientific in all matters. In fact they even quantified their sexual enjoyment, by keeping track of Pharoah-moan production.

If Elton John and Albert Einstein ever got together, their undeniable chemistry would be termed a homogeneous mixture.

How is physics similar to medicine?

It’s an atomy subject.

NED: You know, it’s really a crime to let untreated steel get wet.
ED: Really, that’s fascinating…
NED: Yes - once I was involved in a hit-and-run oxidant, and it led to my arrust.

In his college days, Einstein had a psychedelic dream about hobbits being struck by lightning. He awoke and proclaimed to the world this discovery - of the Frodo-electric effect.

We all know about his famous bath, but what did Archimedes say his first time before a urinal?

“Urethra! I’ve found it!”

Meteorology is a difficult science. For instance I thought it would be a breeze to master the Beaufort scale, but it turned out to be a no-wind situation. After all, I don’t speak Gale-ic!

Kepler and Galileo were deadlocked in the finals of the Great Astronomy Puns Contest. So judge Spooner was called in to Brahe-cho the Ty.

The baseball player’s swing was so good, some said it defied the Laws of Physics. The critics, however, claimed his bat was quarked.

What book did Mr. Darwin pen after a wayward finch pooped on his head?

The Origin of the Feces!

Why did Einstein never stop at a single beer?

Because he was obsessed with re-ale-itivity!

If all the world’s bivalves became extinct, it would be a clamity.

What did Archimedes’ wife say to him before he took his bath?

“You reeka!“

Why is it thermodynamically impossible to clean a chicken coop?

Because hentropy increases.

What tragedy occurred when the discoverer of radium served her pet a caffeinated beverage meant for equines?

Curie horse-tea killed the cat.

Sir Isaac Newton, upon watching a large crowd of peasants pointlessly measure the duration of a speech about wheel rods, announced with ridicule - “mass-timed axel oration equals farce!”