I like the Winter Olympics, although they do tend to be a bit hockey after a while.

Dolly Parton charmed me into watching the Winter Games. I was boobs led.

Dear Pun Gents, two-person female running team; both member are grandmas, with a combined age of 100+. ~Joanie, Bellingham, WA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Geri’s Kids
2. Grandmarathon
3. Long Distaunts
4. Last Legs
5. Runs In Stockings
6. Speedomestics

Dear Pun Gents, we’re a women’s tennis team in Madison. A play on “Madtown”  or “mad” would be helpful.  Most of us are over 40. ~Susan, Madison, WI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Mad-dames [French]
2. Tennisisters
3. The Racquettes
4. The Mad-ri-gals
5. Madisinners
6. Madopause
7. Madwesterners

Help Susan Out: Comment below with your $0.02

Dear Pun Gents, something funny about John McCain swimming. ~Cody, Salem, OR

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. He’s had another stroke.
2. Is that John McCain drowning? He sounds hanoied.
3. He doesn’t like swimming. He shies away from blue states.
4. When he was drowning, he couldn’t find a Bush to grab onto.
5. John can’t swim in his home state. It’s an arid zone-a.
6. He’s so afraid of water whenever he gets near a pool he drops a senaturd.
7. Michael Phelp’s skills Palin comparison.

HELP CODY OUT: Comment below with your $0.02.

How does the the Baseball Bible start?

‘In the big inning…’

Dear Pun Gents, I need a funny name for a 3v3 basketball team. ~Tony, St. Louis

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Three Guys, Six Balls
2. Nothing but Ned, Ed and Fred
3. Slam Allelekum
4. Dunkin Go Nuts
5. The Three Pointer Sisters
6. The Trouble with Triples
7. Threedom Train

HELP TONY OUT: Comment below with your $0.02.

Tiger Woods’ career has philandered.

All eyes are on Tiger’s wood. It’s affair way to heaven to marry a celebrity, but I wouldn’t take him back for alimony in the world.

The man who could sit for hours in the steam room, outlasting all others, was crowned swelter wait champion of the world. A real tough saunafabitch.

What do you call a football kicker who comes through in the clutch? A big game punter.

Do foreign baseball players speak pitchin’ English?

What’s Larry King’s favourite Olympic sport?

Discus.

The NBA player was charged with reckless driving under the influence of alcohol—and summarily convicted. For the prosecution, it was a slam drunk case.

Olympic figure skaters are so competitive—that’s why their outfits are covered in sequins.

Successful matadors have a talent for not getting gored, which is very sense-a-bull.

Boxing is an honourable profession. Each fighter must follow the KO’d.

Alcoholics can’t play baseball. It’s a swig and a miss.

More Puns on Demand filled today!

Mountaineers got really confused during the Why-K2 Crisis.

The surfer enjoyed a white cap every night before bed. But when it was too dark to surf and he got injured, he couldn’t sue anyone. He had already waved his rights.

Several Olympic events involve coffee: eg. the decaflon and the java line.

Which Olympic event is most painful?

Hurdles.

A-Rod plays worse when he has a cold. He just isn’t fielding well.

Because of terrorist concerns, some African Olympic athletes have to conceal their identity and compete under Sudan names.

China promised human rights would be respected by the arrival of the 2008 Olympics—but it appears to be a classic Beijing switch manoeuvre. O, the Hunanity!

When Anne went Boleyn, she used her head and had a ball.

The British soccer team needs an attitude adjustment to win. It’s a Man U mental task.

Basketball-playing countries suffer from hooperinflation.

There are no Wikipedia entries for Boxing. Because the facts are spars.

Hear about the baseball pitcher who refused to endorse Wal-Mart, because it was a big balk store?

It’s true; it also didn’t help that they refuse to let their workers strike, and they have a large selection of woks. He said “I field strongly about this. Wal-Mart may seem like a short stop on a shopping trip, but in fact, it’s a retail umpire. It’s bat for the economy; they’re out to catcher the whole market!”

Which Nazi loved Michael Jordan?

Joseph Goebbels. He loved it when things were Goering well for the Chicago squad, and especially when MJ would achieve Luftwaffe and Reich up the points. For the fans, it was beyond their wildest iMaginotion. It was Panzermonium.

Homeless men in New England are standing in line - it’s Soup Bowl Sunday!

Which boxer took so many punches he got a hole in the back of his head?

George Foramen.

Holocaust denier Ernst Zundel loves baseball. His favourite position is designated Hitler.

Trekkers love poetry - especially hikeus.

Do bored mountaineers embrace climb-it change?

Playoff hockey is a comic marvel. They should call it the Stan Lee Cup.

When you go skydiving, it helps to down a pair o’ shooters.

Before integration, amputee baseball players were only allowed in the Knee Grow Leagues.

The bodybuilding punster pumped irony.

A man who wins a poker tournament has yet to reach the pinochle of achievement.

NED: I guess I’m a pretty poor sport.
ED: Really, how’s that?
NED: Well, when the coach refuses to play me, I scream like a benchee!

The mountaineer was spending ‘personal time’ with his girlfriend during an expedition. But he lost his grip while on the mount- just before the peak. He simply could not find his climb axe. Now he won’t ever rest.

There was a dream match at the World Ping-Pong tournament, where in the last game the seeded #1 faced the seeded #2. Fans called this dramatic match the Peeing-Pooing Finale.

Group swimmers at the Olympics aren’t given much choice. For them, it’s synchro swim.

If karate is a form of kung-fu, is kickboxing a form of toe-fu?

Hear about the basketball player being sued? What a bunch of hooplaw. I bet it never makes it to court.

With thunderous applause the fans welcomed the recently-acquired shortstop Muhammad Mustafa-Aziz for his first ever plate appearance. Mustafa-Aziz enthusiastically responded to the crowd’s ovation with a grand salaam.

Wayne Gretzky puns are hokey. I’m so tired of that schtick. It’s always the same pucking thing. No more Mr Ice Guy!