Family Food: a game show for cannibals.

Before Hitler got heavily into genocide, he hosted a gameshow: Blind Hate.

True story: Russia’s Vladimir Putin fell asleep while watching The Flintstones, and had a dream. When he awoke, he bought a castle in Ireland. It must have been the Blarney rubles.

What’s a midget’s favourite TV show? hAlf.

Optometrists watch a lot of tell a vision.

The phoneticist went on American Idol, but was booed off the stage on account of his lisp. Afterward this linguist was upset, saying “I can’t believe they dipthed my thong!”

I don’t know if I like HD technology - I find it a bit too Bluray.

After Pamela Anderson left Baywatch, the outlook was Bleeth.

The Lone Ranger’s sidekick always wore sandals. They called him Tantoe.

There is no way to describe the scheming, abrasive mailman character on TV’s Seinfeld. He defies all Newmanclature.

There is one TV psychologist who is a compulsive over-eater. They call him Doctor Fill My Craw.

Letterman’s latest mono log was a singular piece of crap.

NED: What’s a river rodent’s favourite TV show?
ED: Leave it to Beaver?
NED: No, Welcome Back Otter!

That potheads will always stay up to watch late-night comedy is known as the Law of Reefer-action, aka SNL’s law.

If the star of House drove a truck, it would be a huge lorry.

NED: What TV show would you like to watch. Maybe, Family Ties?
ED: Well, not if I had my ‘Yothers…

Kim Jong Ill is a sick man. He keeps thrashing about the world stage like he has Huntington’s Korea. Not only that, he keeps all his citizens starving in archie bunkers, watching All in the Faminey.

I wouldn’t stand a chance competing in Vientiane Idol. It’s a Lao sing proposition!

The nerdiest rock band ever?

Deep Urkel.

Do the IT technicians on Sesame Street have to defraggle their hard drives?

The fastidious mathematician’s favourite show was Ln Order.

Audiences vote for the contestant with the best pubic hair on A merkin Idol. You can watch it on PuBeS.

Hear that Scott Bakula is making a sequel to Knightrider?

Quantum Jeep.

David Duchovny couldn’t get over his old girlfriend. He was an ex-phile.

When Bart kicked Homer in the crotch, he felt like a baker. He kneed the D’oh!

Which Smurf nemesis has bad breath?

Gargle-mal.

Did Three’s Company actor Don Knotts suffer from early morning leg cramps?

Barney the Dinosaur was murdered by his best friend Baby Bop. Police are still looking for the purple-traitor.

They killed the king of daytime television. It was Regiside.

Which Happy Days character loved to read?

The Fonts!

Is it true Michael J Fox did a documentary in the 1980s about starvation in Southeast Asia?

Yes, Faminy Thais.

What the shoe company said to the Three’s Company actress who wanted to run a marathon: “Joyce De Witt.”

Fox News is so blatantly biased. They should change the network’s name to See-BS

Which character from Gilligan’s Island always screamed for water?

Thurston Howell.

What did Tonto put on his sushi when undergoing cancer treatment?

Chemo-wasabe!

Where in the desert will you find Tony Danza?

At an Oh-eh-sis!

Did you hear about the plague of cartoon skunks?

It’s a Pepidemic!