Being a child actor is a medical syndrome, specifically, a cute condition.

The world’s largest rodent-carving is absolutely hew-mongoose.

As an art buff, I’m always hopped up on sedatives. Life is more anaesthetically pleasing that way.

Gaugin often repeated himself.

Which member of the royal family collects photos of fat women?

Charles, aka The Prints of Whales.

What is Shaquille O’Neal’s favourite play?

The Giant Monologues.

I went to a comedy show on Hallowe’en. It was a real boohaha!

Salvador painted a psychedelic image of an alpaca, decked out in religious garb. He proclaimed, ‘Everyone must worship the Dali llama!’

Ancient goat-plays were satyrical. They were univerally Panned.

I knew the Broadway Theatre award show was corrupt when, at the banquet, they served rigatoni.

People who dislike comedy clubs suffer from skits-refrainia.

Many professional sculptors complain of extreme pain when listening to Clay Aiken.

After being exposed to harmful radiation, I decided the join the Rockettes. It must have been the gam a’ raise.

The fact that low-income people can’t afford to buy art is simply poor-no-graphic.

The theatre company caused a stir when it put on a play in an STD clinic. The ensemble was accused of acting in a rash manor.

NED: Did the poet really jump out a building and kill himself on the concrete?
ED: Oh no - that was a met-a-floor.

ED: Do you like this abstract painting?
NED: No. Modern art makes me want to regurgiTate.
ED: Really?
NED: Yeah, it Turners my stomach.
ED: Oh my.
NED: If you’ll excuse me - now I have to get up Van Gogh to the bathroom!

The sculptors up in Nunavut are known for their three-dimensional relief technique aka the Deep Frieze.

Was Picasso into wedgies?

How do educators in Japan determine whether a child is intellectually gifted?

By looking at her hai ku scores!

Hear about the play they staged at a cemetery?

It got grave reviews.

The theatre director used the solidified carbon dioxide to cathartic effect. “By the end of the performance,” he predicted, “there will be no dry ice in the house!”

Why was the soprano obsessed with songs that had both length and width?

Because she wanted to sing an area.