Wasn’t there an oil rigger in that group, the Spillage People?

If Shakespeare were alive today, he’d write Oil Wells that End Well.

Mass extinction is not much fauna at all.

Many environmentalists are also writers. They have many litter rarely qualities.

At the United Nations Conference on Poultry in Pecking, China, several accords were discussed, including a complicated capon-trade system. But as the cluck was winding down on the agreement, many nations cried fowl, arguing that capon-trade would only lead to more hen-some profits for agribusinesses, and real progress would be nothing but chicken feed. In order to lay down their yolks, developing nations staged a coop! Their leader made a speech, saying “When all people, white and dark, meat, there is hope.” This democratic gesture inspired everyone, even nations whose broil kings were in attendance. But the cynical members of the global press downplayed the developments,  just drank a lot of Wild Turkey and got totally basted.

Newspapers are going green. In fact by 2010 all articles’ opening sentences must be lede-certified.

The OPEC countries are an oiligarchy. Everyone is petrolfied of them. As Bush would say to Bin Laden, ‘Saudi, partner!’

Arborists are into treesomes. Which leads to a lot of unplant pregnancies.

Atkins dieters are now fighting climate change. They favour attacks on carbin’.

The worst ecological disaster in Chinese history was perpetrated after a wild night at a strip club, when Communist Party officials misheard their drunken President eagerly calling for “Three Gorgeous Dames!”

Modern environmentalists have a quasi-religious zeal. They’re like emissionaries.

Those who wear earmuffs aren’t afraid of lobal warming.

Do bored mountaineers embrace climb-it change?

With climate change all over the media, can you spot a melting glacier? What’s your Ice See Q?

People say smog is a city problem, but that’s not true. Like when I drive to the farm - all I see is hays.

Is someone who uses recyclable tampons a gyno-ecologist?

Check out our new PunShine Valentine: Emily C!

People who don’t use deodorant are threatening the b-o-sphere. Which is dangerous, because that’s all that separates us from odour space. I mean, they’ve already destroyed the nose-zone layer!

What’s the official flower of the USA?

Carnation.