Do airport workers have to take hangar management courses?

When my scooter was stolen, I moped.

If you get sick on a bus, just blame your fellow passin’ germs.

Paddling in circles is an either oar proposition.

Vacations were cheaper before steamships, because cruises were always on sail.

When Nelson defeated Napoleon, he destroyed their French ship.

Do citrus farmers drive around in lime-oozings?

My wife is turned on by men with yachts. So I bought one. I guess turn a boat is foreplay.

If the Titanic had been called the Titanus it never would have been penetrated. Instead it was doom to sphinct, and all onboard the ship were tossed from the rear. The captain in particular insisted on going down. [Speaking of Titanic, did you hear Spiel Berg is talking about a sequel?]

The first Concorde failed to achieve its goal of doubling the speed of sound. The dejected aeronautics engineers were upset, saying, “I guess it’s Mach 2 basics.”

A railroad track, aka a pullmanary artery.

Would a flower-powered car run on vase-oline?

Riding a streetcar is a tramatic experience.

Which mineral ought to come in standard containers? Quartz.

The authorities lifted the restrictions on chariots, and gave the people cart blanche to drive whatever they wanted. Everyone quickly jumped on the banned wagons.

Pilots often fly into birds. That’s why they’re avi-haters.

The Aer Lingus flight to Guan dong was commandeered by coked-up masturbators, trying to gain entry to the cock pit. They were high jackers who got upset when they looked out the window and saw no sign of a China. It ended badly when they blew each other up in the sky.

Transatlantic zeppelins crashed so often they became known as dredgeables.

Anyone who steals a train has a loco motive.

A famous composer was also a cyclist. But he refused to ride his new bach, because of the handel bars. So he took it back to the chopin began to rattle off a lizst of complaints. “Grrr… Schwinns,” he cried. But the store owner didn’t understand his unwillingness to ride. ‘Hey, it’s beets hooven‘ he said, ‘especially if you’re bizet! I was hoofin’ the other day, and got gum on my schubert!’ Riding is certainly better than taking de bussy; except if your bike is too heavy. This fellow’s ride weighed 20 kilobrahms! He took a ride by a painter’s castle once and admired the moat’s art. But some half-German, half-Russian idiot almost ran him over - what a scheisskopfsky! The composer fell headlong into a dog turd: a wipeout of operatic proportions - it was poo-chinny! He almost baroque his face, and was so shamed he went into haydn. Lessons learned? Cycling is a taste one must a choir. But if you decide to give up halfway through a ride, de bussy now comes with a bike-rachmaninoff!

Driving schools in Britain are very stringent. Truck drivers for example must have a back-a-lorry-up degree.

Peer pressure is rife within motorcycle gangs. The problem is everywhere. Really, it’s ‘u-bike-wit’-us’!

A nasty accident is causing a road detour at this weekend’s Pride Parade. So please, avert your gays.

Did Native Americans read the canoes-paper to find stuff out?

What did the captain of the Titanic say after hitting the iceberg?

“This doesn’t boat well.”

Are most cabbies dangerous drivers? Like the old saying goes - nothing’s certain but death in taxis.

During work stoppages on the great Egyptian canal, the workers grew Suez-idle.

It could run on a glass of beer: the Ford Pinto.

What’s the official flower of the USA?

Carnation.

How did the arsonist afford his plane ticket?

He redeemed his frequent fire points!

Why did the millionaire skip his usual joyride on his quadramaran?

Because he had a strong sense of four-boating!