King Neptune never learned to ride a pike.

The renegade employee who defecated in an aquarium was accused of sharking his doodies.

The one that got away aka a small-mouthed bastard.

I used to fish in the nude, until I was cod with my pants down.

I popped eight pimples. It was an act o’ pus. I’d rather have ten tickles.

Hear the pun about the man with mussels for brains? It met with cortical a clam.

My mollusk-weighing technology has met with grade a clam. So take that mother shuckers!

The most huggable sea creature is the cuttlefish.

The deadliest kind of shrimp? Prawn-as.

During the Oceanic financial crisis, the whales wanted baleen out. Others cried to let natural fish-in-the-seas take their course. Many turned to orcanized religion, searching for a higher porpoise.

When Nelson defeated Napoleon, he destroyed their French ship.

If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!

You can get never get a straight answer from an oceanographer. They just say, “it deepens.”

Do rowdy sea creatures have barnacle fistfights?

If the Titanic had been called the Titanus it never would have been penetrated. Instead it was doom to sphinct, and all onboard the ship were tossed from the rear. The captain in particular insisted on going down. [Speaking of Titanic, did you hear Spiel Berg is talking about a sequel?]

If you’re in Britain and need money, don’t ask an aquarium. They may lend you a few squid, but be careful: they’re sharks! You’re better off asking a crusty Asian, who doesn’t have mussel to back himself up.

McDonald’s has recently put blowfish on the menu, aka the Fellate-O-Fish.

When New Orleans was sinking, all FEMA did was declare Louisiana a state of emergent sea.

NED: I can communicate with fish in distant oceans!
ED: Really?
NED: Yes.
ED: Why, you must be tilapiapathic!
NED: Yup - I just flex my mental mussels and tuna out distractions!

The French don’t like eating raw fish - they’re afraid of food poissoning.

Barbecued shrimp in the springtime?

I’d krill for that.

Puns about fish are pirhanomasia.

NED: So this fish crapped on me the other day…
ED: Really? What a bassturd!

Shortest distance between two points on the river Nile is a hippopotamus.