Plastic fruit will be banned at the upcoming G8/20 summits in Toronto. Officials have to secure the pear-imitator.

Kim Jong-il was a big fan of Nuke Kids on the Bloc, and always warheads Nuke Kids tee-shirt, while listening in his bunker bed at night.  He loved hanging out with his cruise, which included George Bush, whom he called Doctor Death aka ‘Dubya, MD’. He went to the UN wearing a lot of  ‘Blix-blix‘ and said ‘Put your Hans in the air like you just don’t care’. He was there all night and El-Baradei. His actions, though far from disarming, definitely enriched heavy metal.

Don’t joke about Hillary Clinton and PMS - she’s the Secretory of State!

French humour is so Sarkozstic

When President Obama needs to remember something, he just downloads it to Rahm.

Dear Pun Gents, I’d like a pun in response to President Obama’s State of the Union speech. ~Adam, Plymouth, MA (long-time fan)

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The President really dropped Obama last night.
2. There was a lot of security in Washington for the speech. They emptied all the Baracks.
3. He promises action on Steve Jobs - and with the iPad, he’s delivered!
4. Why is he threatening to punish Banksy?
5. He’s repealing ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ Finally he has his gaze on the military!
6. Another foreign policy blunder: a tax credit for Somali business?

Help Adam out: Comment below with your $0.02

Did Franklin Roosevelt smell? No, that was The odor.

Saddam preferred to use gas when he mustard his troops.

Mime Camp: Hitler’s book about his struggles in training as a performance artist.

The Italian fascist dictator was a trivia expert: Benito Miscellany.

Any plot to assassinate the president is die-Obama-cal.

Before Hitler got heavily into genocide, he hosted a gameshow: Blind Hate.

Kim Jong Il is a happy fellow. He missiles while he works.

True story: Russia’s Vladimir Putin fell asleep while watching The Flintstones, and had a dream. When he awoke, he bought a castle in Ireland. It must have been the Blarney rubles.

What Obama suffered from after the holidays: Presidential eggnog-urination.

What Obama suffered from after the holidays: Presidential eggnog-urination.

New Puns on Demand filled today!

NED: Why would Castro enjoy a breakfast of poached eggs with hollandaise sauce and a side of potatoes?
ED: I dunno, why?
NED: ‘Cuz, he’s benedict tater!

There’s one US State that loves Barack so much, they’re calling it All Obama.

Does Prince Edward have a great website?
Yes, he’s the URL of Wessex!

If you touch the Queen’s head on a penny, you could be arrested; that’s what happens when you copper-feel.

Morgan Tsvangirai, the leader of the opposition was silenced this week because he’s in Bob’s way.

Don’t go to hotels in Iran. You’ll just line the pockets of the Hyatt-toll-ah.

People who take flight from Cuba, never to return are known as Castro-nots.

I invited the Dalai Lama over for dinner, but he said Buddha that, which is just as well, as I’m willing Tibet you anything that he would have run a monk.

Prince Charles has just throne another fit, but as usual he’s full of hot heir. He needs to turn that crown upside down!

Which member of the royal family collects photos of fat women?

Charles, aka The Prints of Whales.

What’s George Bush’s response to thousands of bodies wounded and mutilated in Iraq and Afghanistan?

“Keep surgeon the troops!”

Malcom X was unfraid to fart among white people. He simply threw Caucasian to the wind.

Saddam gained weight in his later years. He was known as the Ba’ath tub.

Saddam had one cousin, a punster, who escaped prosecution. His name was Comic-ali, and he sassed the Kurds.

NED: The Gaza conflict troubles me.
ED: Why’s that?
NED: I don’t know, but it affects Mahmoud.

With the passing of Russian President Boris Yeltsin, the Gents reiterate that his role in Chechnya was Grozny overrated.

How does ‘Father Earth’ dance so well?

Well, he’s a scientist, so he uses an Algoreithm.

Kim Jong Ill is a sick man. He keeps thrashing about the world stage like he has Huntington’s Korea. Not only that, he keeps all his citizens starving in archie bunkers, watching All in the Faminey.

President Bush once took off his socks and spread out his pedal phalanges in Congress. He was criticized for abusing his ‘V’-toe.

Castro is getting rid of his nation’s humiliating food lineups. “Because,” he explained, “we are Queue-ban.”

War crimes scandal: everyone knows how Slobodan Milosevic was recently found dead in his prison cell in Geneva. Less well known is that rapper Vanilla Ice has also been charged - with rhymes against humanity.

Bill Clinton was definitely oversaxed.

NED: Did the Secretary of State buy a new car?
ED: Who - HondaLeasa Rice?

The Queen ordered that all the redwoods in England be cut down, because despite their height they gave very little shade. “They are guilty,” she said, “of high tree sun.”

Bush re-elected in 2008? What a load of shrubbish!

When he was a young man Fidel Castro went to a Cuban psychic and asked if she could tell anything about him. The old woman looked at Fidel closely and declared, “You should avoid alcohol at all costs. Because when you are drunk I predict that you will make waves, overthrow governments, and stir up revolution!” She pointed at him, “So do not, under any circumstances, become inebriated!”

Well, El Commandante was put off. This was ridiculous:

“Me, a drunken revolutionary?” he replied, “that’s preposterous!” And he pointed a finger back, “Ma’am, you are a crook and a charlatan. Why, I don’t even believe in stupor-sedition!”

Which president always nicknames his friends?

Dub ya!