Pun Gents https://validator.w3.org/feed/docs/rss2.html Hear about the dyslexic chemist who would have sex with birds? He insisted on studying the properties of mangeesium. The invention of the vacuum cleaner led to rapid in dusty realization. I was looking for a place to roost, so I went to the poultry hotel to <strong>chick inn</strong>. The guy at front desk was a bad egg (he called me a pecker!) but despite his <strong>unpheasantness</strong> I didn’t fly the coop: after all, it was only <strong>hen bok-boks </strong>a night. ‘Only hen <strong>clucks</strong>,’ I thought. I agreed to the <strong>feed</strong>, and was given free range of the place. What did Picard say when the food replicator was out of genuine Earl Grey tea? “Make it faux.” Dropping Fat Man and Little Boy on Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a bomb on nation. You shouldn’t tell jokes about Chinese skyscrapers. That’s Wong on so many levels. Keanu Reeves like curds and no whey. Milli Vanilli song about rock-climbing with Republicans in Germany: ‘Belay Mitt on the Rhine’. Rumour is the next Star Wars features an unreleased Michael Jackson song: ‘I Want Chewbacca’. Is it true Randy Bok-man has a thing for chickens? Gregor Samsa woke from uneasy dreams to discover he had become a farm animal. With bronchitis. How bizarre! It was Coughcowesque. I’m so good at Who’s the Boss? trivia – they call me Tony Miscellani. Puns By Topic The use of smoke in the papal selection proves the Church has a sense of fumer. There are no good puns about pasta, other than a fusilli remarks. The final Battle of the Birds will obliterate the skies. It will be known as <strong>Ptarmigeddon</strong>. <em>Lots more <a href="/punsondemand">Puns on Demand</a> requests filled today!</em> Are firefighters members of the Church of <strong>Ladder-Day Saints</strong>? When Satan is constipated, he eats Hellman’s mustard. Rural America is being asked to <strong>bale out</strong> Wall Street. Most Americans don’t understand the crisis, so it had to be explained to them in <strong>Lehman’s terms</strong>. The bulls have lost; how quickly the <strong>Bears Sterns</strong>! The bank CEOs have been advised to keep off the streets, lest they be<strong> Merrilly Lynched</strong>. I want to get a 9 to 5 job, so I’m giving up my fun-loving college lifestyle. I’m so tired of the frat race! If Nostradamus was a superhero, would he have had a <strong><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sidekicks">psychic</a></strong>? It’s hard to sleep with a bat. Because, you know, they sonar a lot. The dyslexic experimental farmer couldn’t believe they caught the guy behind Kiwi-leeks. Oprah is an O-cult figure. There was a fat man who spoke in riddles. Talking to him was like entering a flabyrinth. Catching swine flu is a porcine of health. Why do monks make good mobile phone salesmen? Because they can <strong>cell a bit</strong>. Unlike the Titanic, the new iOS software has rendered all my devices unsyncable. They say first year university is difficult, but students actually sophomore in their second year. Someone put a stick in my eye. Now I have a stick matism. In fact they made a movie about my life and this incident: it was a myopic. Hear about the chemist who couldnt decide what to eat at a dim sum restaurant? As they laid plates before him, he sat there, studying the <strong>periodic table of aliments</strong> I’m addicted to seaweed. I must… seek kelp. When I turn 40, I hope my sister doesn’t cry. I don’t want a mid life cry sis. Let us not speak of my failure to open a jar. After all, I have pried. Ramadan puns tend to be pretty have-fast. I suspect it was the Illuminati who dreamt up cabal tv. Wearing your hat indoors is a fedoral offence. Gymnastics puns can push the envelope. Indeed, somersaulty. Did many oil tankers crash in Prince William Sound because the captain drank too much coffee? No, just Juan Valdez. Most South Asian dance music originates from <strong>Bhangradesh</strong>. NED: I’m hooked on bird puns! ED: Oh no NED: I’m a <strong>heron</strong> addict – a total <strong>loon</strong>. ED: Oh no! NED: I’m thinking of sticking up a bank, and holding everyone <strong>ostrich</strong>! I saw a cactus in Jamaica, and got it confused with pokemon. What do you call crappy French clothing? <strong>A zut suit!</strong> The embattled Russian emperor was thrown into a ditch. Upon being pulled out, he remarked, <strong>“I am not a fan of Czar chasm.”</strong> The man who broke up with his longtime girlfriend went on a consolational fruit-eating binge. When asked how he was handling it, the fellow merely raised a half-eaten piece of produce. “Can’t you see,” he said, “I am in the depths of this pear.” Hear about the independent sheep who wanted <strong>muttonomy</strong>? The ram’s drive for freedom <strong>goated</strong> her on. Longjohn Silver always wore thermal underpants. <a href="http://voanews.com/english/2008-11-19-voa37.cfm">Piracy</a> is big business. It ain’t no <strong>Somali change</strong>. Transatlantic zeppelins <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7Fc8kIyMCo">crashed</a> so often they became known as <strong><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airship">dredgeables</a></strong>. Some noises just happen onomatically.